A Thank You Note... To you Lax!

Sometimes it takes just a phone call to make your day bright. And that's what Lax's call did to me. Lax akka Lakshmi was my roomie in college. A weirdo like almost all my friends :)... She only mentioned one thing... Don't stop writing because it heals! I wont. That's a promise to myself. Thank you darling. Love you...

Sad, Am I ?

Sadness is always the same...
The instant touch... The dive into the memories...
The fear... The panic... And the worst of it...
The never ending pain...
Every sad soul has a wound...
A wound that opens instantly...
Blinding the beauty of life...
Denying the breath of happiness...
I wish it will go away ...
This stupid chaos of my own mind...
But then again I wish it will stay...
Though the price to pay is huge...

Strange !!!

A lazy day!

Today is to you...
Lost in your smile...
The laziness of nothings...
The sweet bitterness of fond memories...
Without forebodings and worries...
Without the tremor of unknown fears...
With conviction a complete surrender.

Delhi Girl...

It has been a year now. As public forgets fast, its not a hot topic anymore. Delhi gang rape case. Last year this time we saw lot of protests, anger, frustration, cynic comments, social networking involvement, talk shows...the list goes on. The incident was tragic, and I am sure no woman can explain the horror they feel while reading about such cruelty. But there are many things that I did not understand. Sexual assault against women is not something new in India. We read it almost on a daily basis and dismiss it as something happening in a different planet. But in this case the picture was completely different. Whole nation had gone under protest. Especially youth. Of course for a brief moment. Now I guess it’s forgotten. And all the rapes and molestation still continue as though nothing has happened. Is it the brutality of the case that gained it widespread support? Or is it the involvement of social networking sites that changed the picture? I don't know.

Just out of curiosity, I checked the previous "infamous" rape cases in India. Found some cases from Wiki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_in_India
But couldn't remember any of these.

The recent case that got international attention is the Goa case where a Russian teenager (Scarlett Keeling) was raped and murdered. Surprisingly the media acted a little different there. The media painted her sort of a scarlet woman who deserved what she got, and they accused her mother for raising her daughter so badly. I found the cheapness of media funny.

Coming back to the current case, here is a girl from a normal family brought up with Indian values and she got brutally killed by no fault of hers. So I guess the funda of "she deserves it" doesn't stand here. But then why was she killed? The protesters demanded death sentence or castration and Indian Judicial system  also passed a death sentence on all 4 of the convicts (one being already dead in jail).

But then after all these protest's several rapes and killings happened in many places in India. Most horrible of the ones I recently read was the brutal rape of a 3 year old that happened in Kerala. If criminals did care about public protest or death sentence or castration, I don't think these would have happened. So are they effective medicine to prevent rape? Honest answer is I don't know. Because I don’t understand rape. Again went back to wiki for psychological reasons of rape. Here is what I found

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociobiological_theories_of_rape. 

An excerpt from there states
Thornhill and Palmer write that
"In short, a man can have many children, with little inconvenience to himself; a woman can have only a few, and with great effort." Females therefore tend to be choosier with partners. Rape is seen as one potential strategy for males for achieving reproductive success. They point to several other factors indicating that rape may be a reproductive strategy. It is during the potentially childbearing years that women most often are rape victims. Rapists usually do not use more force than necessary to subdue their victims which is argued to be the case since physically injuring the victims would reduce the chance of reproduction.

But the funny part is it doesn't match anywhere in the current picture. The delhi girl was raped, tortured and as a result got killed. To assume that 3 year old girl was anywhere near “potential child bearing years” – Well no comments.

So what’s happening? Why do some of us turn to pathetic maniacs? I have been discussing this topic with one of my male friend. He told all men at some point or other see women in a sexual angle even though they don’t admit it at any point.
There I got a catch. “Even though they don’t admit it any point”. Why do we shun the sexuality within us? Why is it considered sin when it is a simple natural act? May be the answer to all these violence lies there. Our refusal to acknowledge sexuality as something natural. Our urge to brand it as sin. It’s like refusing food to people, branding eating as sin. Of course there is a difference between people who fast and people who are forced to fast. I think same way there is a difference between people who opt celibacy and people who are forced to celibacy due to “Morality”. It could be a stupid speculation. But somehow I am convinced when we dig in deep to find the deterioration in the current society in terms of how we treat women, this reason will pop up in many places, in many forms. I am not suggesting sexual anarchy as a solution. But we humans have moved away from natures law. It's high time we found our way back.

I can only speculate the reasons and be cautious of my own safety. The real solution should come from men. They are the only species who can decipher the real reason behind rape and if possible rectify it.

Delhi girl... I wish you died for a reason. I wish your death brought in lots of favorable changes towards how woman are viewed in our country. I do wish all that... But...! 

I am in love...

Yes... madly, deeply, insanely in love with my new home :) Its just a simple 2 BHK. Nothing special about it, except may be very good ventilation in all rooms. But its the first home we can call our own. It feels special :) And this house, though I keep it untidy as all my other houses, makes me feel calm. May be its the sunlight doing the trick :)... Or the piece of serene sky that wakes me through the bedroom window. Or the small lake that can be seen from balcony... whatever it be, let me get lost in this bliss for some time...Good Night :)

A clean Slate, Can it be?

A clean slate, Can it be?

Redemption is a word that haunts me...

Not for the sins, but for this pain...

Words written can be erased

But torn words, can they be stiched?

Silly question and silly world.

A clean slate, Can it be?

Another year!

"She died at the age of 31. Neither too young, nor too old - The viable dieable age" ... about Ammu's death in God of Small Things. When I read the book, this age was 12 years away :) Time do fly... I turned thirty one yesterday.

What did last year add? Nothing significant. But the insignificants include

1. Started using my scooter again (after long 7 years of break, mastered the fear factor). In this second innings have completed hardly 100kms (2+2 kms to and from office for past 2-3 months), and does not go beyond 30km/hour. Still it do rank top in my insignificants :)
2. Renewed some friendships :)... (Sounds like library membership ;))
3. Did a bit better job at the "mom role" than last year... (Nived may not agree though)
4. 5th wedding anniversary passed by w/o much celebrations, but with an assurance that finally we might manage to live together not going separate ways ;)
5. Updated blog frequently than last year.
6. Put on 2-3 kgs and touched fifty finally... And now m left with worrying abt the big tummy... Looks like all the 3 kgs went there :(
7. Got a mentee :D... This is big story, may be for next post.
8. Did not fall in love... (In fact this should be considered a significant achievement... But the doubt is whether it indicates maturity or just getting old?  :( )
9. Partially bought a plot (money is still to be given..so :))
10. Got promoted in office (More than promotion, there is a shift within me. I have started taking more responsibilities than running away from them. Hope this spreads to home too :))

 Above all these I feel a bit more at ease with myself... Able to forgive most of my mistakes... More than mistakes I would call them stupidities :)

And yeah those dreaded grey hairs. They should top the list actually... ;)
Laziness has prevented me from doing lot of things. As my room mate rightly pointed out, I have been a bag of ideas without any actions. But even with all the in action and mistakes and stupidities I feel blessed today. Thank you Lord...!

Sexuality and a Verdict!

I thought I belong to one of the "ignorants" when it comes to the topic of sexuality. But after the high court verdict I felt a little better ;)... No offense to court here. But the verdict did trigger a lot of thought process. The explanation to the verdict was the usual one when it comes to sex in India. "Indian Culture". I do respect our culture. Not due to my moral consciousness (my what?!!!), but just out of common sense. The family structure that our fore fathers structured and passed on to us is a perfect setting for a society to flourish. Just like the healthy food habits and routines they tried to pass on to us. They did have a good understanding of healthy sexuality. No one can argue the fact that having a steady partner saves a lot of trouble. No worries on "who is next", or on the disease part and of course there is the discipline with in, that energize your life as a whole. There is the part of safe and happy kids too. On the whole picture everyone is happy. But there is one major flaw. The rigidity we attached to it. Like the "Meluhans" in Immortals, we were or still are too rigid on the topic. So naturally the next question will be "Where is the Creativity"? The individuality that marks every human being? - The absolute answer is "Missing" :) We are exactly in a stage as explained in the verdict. A guy and girl shut up in a room and do the "so so" things, voila married and doomed to spend a lifetime together :). Bottom line is no experiments allowed when it comes to this topic ...

 But court can't be blamed. Its our current situation that made court reach the verdict. Not much security for women. Even now single mom's struggle unless they belong to the "super rich" category. And mostly girls grow up without knowing the reality of life, and easily fall prey to any sweetly worded traps laid for them. But then this is our dear India. So this verdict, rather than helping the suffering females will end up as traps to honest gentlemen or ignorant girls out there. Its a sad plight.

Coming back to the real topic, when will we earn the courage to explore sexuality, or even accept it as it is - a basic need of the body at its worst, and a bliss of love at its best. I am not a veteran in the topic. I grew up in a conservative family and still belongs to a conservative family. But I do respect sex, consider it equivalent to any other art form, the only difference being - here the expression and sharing of individuality is limited with in the two people who share it.  And I cant accept the sad plight of our society as an agreeable  logic to equate sexuality and marriage. It only shows me one thing. Our in securities and inability to live independent (its always not acceptable if somebody wants to live alone and explore different things than what the masses do, especially if it is a woman), has driven us insane.

I wish for a society where a woman can raise her kids proudly without much in securities and without the help of a partner if that is the situation. It would be nice if the dads stay around. But if not, let them go. Why go behind them just because they left behind a tiny sperm with in us? If God knows the creation part he knows the sustenance part too. If he thought men are an essential element in raising a kid, he would have devised a better mechanism for them to stay back than the fatal attraction for the opposite gender. No offense to all the wonderful dads out there. Mostly dads are the ones who travel that extra mile to keep the kids happy and safe. But the point here is fatherhood is something not to be forced, but to be accepted gracefully.

Who cares for my wishes anyways... Girls, don't miss the opportunity. It's the perfect chance for the "perfect" partner, provided you can seduce him for one day ;) Don't miss it!!!

Why do I hate Chetan Baghat books?

I like his narration. Its never boring. I can easily read through it. He avoids all complex usages and keep it simple and pleasant. And I do like how he creates certain scenes. I feel almost touched. But then when I finish the book and get up, I always have this feeling "Oh... This is trash"... Except may be for Five Point Someone, I have felt the same for all the rest. The call centre one, Three mistakes, two states, and now to add to the list is Revolution 2020. Just now finished the book. And started wondering why do I feel the book is below average? It never bored me, and I was hooked to the plot and there was this gallantry ending. So I should be able to at least put it in average list. Some how I don't, and here I am perplexed as to why I don't :)
One explanation could be that its a person's sensitivity. Like how a sensitive cook can identify saccharine from sugar, I have a sensitivity to identify the difference between books, even though both tastes sweet. Wow that's an explanation I would love to adhere to ;)
Or there is a not so great explanation - That I am hooked to certain kind of books. The kind of books that I read in my teens. The beautiful classics, which inspired me and instilled in me the firm belief in good. Books like Mother (Gorky), Citadel (A J Cronin), Good Earth (Pearl S Buck), Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky), The old man and the sea (Earnest Hemmingway), those fabulous Russian short stories and the list goes on. When you put down these books after completing them, you feel humble. Or I felt humble. And the narrations and plots were so natural that in the end you will not feel like "Oh, yet another story with a bold "Moral of the story is...blah blah blah" sort of narration". Yes that's it. CBs stories comes with heavy morals, and forced scenes to assert the morals. Subtlety is missing. Or to an old classic fan like me, it is missing :)
The worst possible explanation is I have simply grown old and has got the "Old Syndrome" which glorifies things of past and looks gloomily at the present. But I REFUSE to accept that ;) As proof for rejecting this last and worst possible explanation, I will add a book that I enjoyed immensely and which belongs to the present... "The Hunger Games"... It came as a gift and I simply loved it. Thanks dear Kathu, you gave me a good read and helped me prove I am still young ;)

Losing control and the questions it raise!

After a long time, I got angry today. Anger as in real capital ANGER where my heart beat increased and i started shouting. Thanks to the level headed lady present, who changed the topic on time. I am surprised though, coz the topic that caused all this hungama was corruption in India. Off late I have noticed some silly topics that can affect me badly and had stayed away from them.  But this one was not in the list. Added this one too to the list of topics i should stay away from. But honestly I don't know if it was the topic, or the fact that it came from a person I valued most, that triggered the anger cells. That yet again brings the question. When the hell will I grow up? :(

And I guess I never appreciated achan (my dad) for never ever accepting bribe. I thought it was routine. And effortless. Now I know the effort he must have had to put, to stay away from bribes, especially when he had to pay high fees for my brother and me. Dad, you did not make big money for us to inherit, but you did leave us a legacy, your honesty. Thank you ... I hope I can pass it on  to my son.

Ok... When it comes to honesty there is one more question to be answered. Is it the greatest virtue achievable? I don't think so. It's a way of life you can choose. Krishna from Mahabharatha was not a honest man. He lied according to circumstances. And he was God. I mean he IS God :) So can honesty be considered the greatest virtue if God himself can lie? :) The point is its not about vice or virtue, its just a choice...

Back on Track

For quite some time I have been lost. In depressive thoughts and stupid fears. Its nothing new. And the realization that its something in built in me gives me the strength to ignore it. Now I am back to track. The track of sanity and calmness. Hope I can sustain this bit longer this time :)

I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power,---that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.

But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders.

--Rabindranath Tagore

Being Clumsy & Neatless!

Two of the worst qualities that a woman can have is being clumsy and being neatless. And yeah, I am generously blessed with both. I don't know how God managed to put both of these in my kitty when he released me to live here. It was easier to live with these during my childhood days. In a family gathering or any social event I just had to keep my silence. People used to praise me then..."She is a nice silent kid"... they never realized The fact that I had no clue on how to do chit chat with strangers. Not exactly strangers. But to me honestly they were. Those far relatives and acquaintances who always asked me - "Molu, do u remember us?". I could never remember them. And even if I did, could never find something pleasant to tell them. To remember their son is working in some big company or their daughter is married to some nice family at some place, was a tedious task for me. But then there was always the smile that rescued me. Any question can be answered with a disarming innocent smile. Of course when you are a maiden, that would suffice. But once you are married expectations change. They expect you to initiate the conversation rather than them coming with the "Molu..." line, coz I have grown out of that "Molu" stage.  Thats where the problem started. I can chat thousand senseless things with my friends, but I cant make a single line of those "expected sweet talk". It simply refuse to show up on my lips at the right time. They think I am rude. May be I am a little rude, but nobody is giving me any sympathy for my clumsiness... Trust me people, its a DISABILITY... Sigh!!!!

And the second part is my neatlessness. I don’t know how God managed to pull that miracle on me. I haven't met a more dirty woman than myself (Dirty here has the literal meaning, with respect to body and surroundings and nothing related to mind... I am way too innocent to imply anything... LOL). It was legendary in hostel and it still is. Again this was another one that was managed well in childhood coz I had a neat mommy :) . I managed to keep the house dirty and she managed to clean it up. As simple as that. But the problem is now I am not a kid. Being mom of a 4.5 year old puts me in matured women group right? But I have not changed a bit. The same neatlessness and clumsiness has survived my childhood days to give me company even now. It's a mental disorder I suppose. I don't perceive neatness as others perceive it. Put me in a wreckage with a nice book and I will happily devour the book as though I am in a divinely surrounding.  The pathetic state of my living room never registers properly unless my hubby sulks on that regard. Poor fellow, he might have sinned badly during last birth to endure this torture. And being a mallu, the greatest sin I can commit ever is not taking bath everyday. Yes, I have successfully added that too to my kitty. My mom has asked me many times "How can u survive a day without taking bath". I couldn't tell her that I am barbaric and not civilized like her. I couldn't tell her smell of sweat is soothing to me than any perfume. Bcoz she wont understand it. Becoz women are supposed to be highly evolved gender when it comes to such matters. If I go with my brothers theory of spiritual evolution ladder, I would be at the lowest level possible. Beneath even the tamasiks I suppose. So be it, who cares :)

There now I have done it. The confession. The guilt part is cleared now and I can continue with these crimes as I please, until I feel guilty again - which I doubt I will ;)

A lost word...

There is a word...

Not just yet written....

It was on the tip of this pen

Yet I can't recall it now.

Is it YOU ...

or is it ME ...

Or just an illusion

That it was US ?

Now its gone

Lost in memory lanes

Among millions of

Other faceless words ...

Does it matter ?

I don't know

But it never was

Meant to be ...

A confession!

I have to leave this...

Leave this behind without footprints...

Is it possible I know not...
But I wish to do it...
One day I will...
Then the silence will come and drown me...
And I will be reborn...
Without pain and useless ego...
And then I will find you...
Or you will find me...
Will that make a difference...
When my whole being belongs to you...
My lord, I am not ready yet...
I regret this weakness...
Which keeps me away from you...
One day I will be ready...
One day for sure...
Before its too late...

Emotions & Me !

I hate being emotional. And thats exacty what I am :( Had a chat with a friend today. I told him I want to be a guy for 2 reasons.
1. I will be very less emotional and will never even notice tiny bits of stupid things and get hurt by them. Of course I do have, with the back up of plenty of bad experiences, somehow mastered the art of not showing my emotions. But its tough job. Being an emotionally untouched GUY is aways a better choice ;)
2. I have to be least bothered about my own body. Even now I am not too much bothered ;) But in the subconcious mind its always there i suppose. The weight of carrying a female body.
The second one is still manageable, but the first one is the unbearable one. I dont think any advancement in science can figure out how female brain works.

While talking to another friend he was continuously getting messages from another female friend on something about "you dint talk to me when I wanted to talk" kind of angry messages. He told she always had one or other complaints to make. I understood. I kept quiet about the fact that I was annoyed that this fellow was continuosly on msgs with her while I am meeting him after quite some time. Honestly thats how female brain works ...

Most of the women are emotional. I haven't met a single one who is not :) But the difference lies in how much you show and how much u hide :D Even now its pretty hard for me to hide emotions. Good part is sadness always comes out as anger, so its sort of hidden ;)

But over the years I have developed a detachment plan. To fight the flood of emotions. Diversion of mind when I get into troubled emotions, either of the extremes, happiness or sadness. Calvins always helps a lot in sadness. And a purposeful flash back on bitter memories help to keep happiness under control. With all these control machinary in place i do lose control every other week. Hope i wont be send to asylum any time soon ;)

  

Sadness

This night, I am lonely
Or is it every night ?
Its a curse to carry...
This burden of pain
When did it come in search of me
Or why did it refuse to leave?
Is it coz secretly i love it?
An addiction that I am paying heavily for?
My Lord, i gave up myself now
Please keep me sane for life...

Thirty !

I turned thirty today. Funny how time flies. I was just recollecting all previous birthdays. Till 10th std I used to count months and days to the next birthday. For the new dress and plenty of chocolates. During pre degree birthdays were a surprise, with birthday cards sticked outside ur room and midnight birthday wishes. But somehow I did not like them... I always liked it quiet. After that came the engineering birthdays.  They were fun with funky cards and mysterious gifts. One birthday during engineering days were quite memorable. Not coz it was wonderful. But I cried a lot that day. Reason was the usual one during college days. Love...LOL But I still remeber that birthday night. The cold and lonely journey in general compartment to home, during which i cried a lot. And the best one ever was my 23rd birthday. There was nothing special about that one. No gifts, no party. But a nice evening with a wonderful person who was continuously apologising for not getting a gift :) After marriage birthdays lost their importance. Shabu never believed in celebrating birthdays and i too lost interest in them, except ofcourse Nived's :) Today as usual there was celebration in office.  It was fun. Thanks to the guys n gals in office ...
But something is nagging me... Whole day along the prominent feeling was not happiness, but strangely it was lonliness. Is it how it starts? The middle age ?

:)

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. - Gibran
That made my day beautiful :)

A time to retreat...

What to do when in doubt. Close the doors and sit quiet. Everything settles in silence. Everything emerges from silence. Shut down yourself. It’s the new beginning you asked for. I dint pray for a long time. It’s time to pray again. Oh lord, the chaos is breaking me. I thought I can handle it without you. But I can’t. This mind, your beautiful creation, I don’t know how I messed it up so much. Please stay beside me. I need you...

Love Story!

She was not beautiful. Nobody would give her a second glance. Naturally I was not interested to know about her. But one day we had a fight due to a critical bug. She raised it on my name and I had to defend it. She was trying to explain a stupid hypothetical situation. That’s when I lost it and shouted – “Either you read the documents thoroughly or solve the imaginative issue yourself”. Her eyes burned for a moment. Suddenly I realized there’s a faint tint of brown in her eyes, and they looked so pretty in her anger. I thought she will shout back. But she simply walked away, without a comment. Whole day I sweated out forming explanations in my mind, if at all my manager called me for one. But the day passed as usual.

Next time I saw her I tried to be polite by giving a half smile. As expected she ignored me. After that I kept meeting her at different places. May be we met before also, but it never registered in my brain.

That day was a stressful one. I was at cafeteria having tea alone. I was pissed off with my sister’s sudden decision to call off her marriage. There was not even a weeks’ time for the marriage and she got a cold feet. It was not even because she had an affair with someone else. Just that she felt so. All the preparations and all the money were wasted. Oh God why did my sis have to play the spoiled brat in an important decision like marriage too. I dint realize my face was such a telltale until she sat opposite to me and asked “What’s the matter with you?” Her voice was flat, without any emotions. That could be the reason why I related everything to her, instead of shouting get out.
“You seem to care a lot about the society?”

Her question was unexpected.

“Why do you say that?”

“You seem to be more concerned about society’s opinion than your sister’s”

That’s when I caught her mockery.  “I know what’s good for my sister”.  My voice was ice cold.

“Hope so. Anyways let’s not fight, it will get ugly as that day” And she smiled. She had a spontaneous smile.  A smile that illuminated her eyes and made her lips glow…, I quickly looked away.  Our friendship started there. It was easy to be friends with her. She talked a lot of non-sense and you just had to listen as though that’s the most important thing in the world. Half of the time I pretended to listen looking at her animated eyes and tried to figure out when that brown shade came.

“Your problem is you think too much about the world around you and less about yourself. Just reverse it and think about yourself and care less about the world…” As usual she was professing me one day.

“Right now my problem is I think I am falling for you”

I don’t know what made me say those cheesy lines, but her whole face went bright red. It was nice to watch for a change because it was tough to catch her offhand. The silence was awkward. I changed the subject to put her at ease. We never talked about that again. But at times when I held her hands she dint pull away. Her hands were so slim and always cold.

“Your hands are so cold”

“It’s the skin. It’s acting as a coolant”. She answered with a wicked grin.

“What?”

“Do you know what kind of materials requires coolants?” She snapped and laughed like mad. That girl was really crazy.

Everything started going wrong when the question of commitment came. It never came from her, but from my parents. My sis had got married to one of her childhood friend and my parents were worried about me. I was not sure what to do. There was lot of technical difficulties involved if I had to take her name to my parents. Somehow I was not convinced if she was worth it. I was not sure if I loved her enough. To be honest I had imagined a wall paper like beautiful wife, as most of my friends had what they call “Trophy” wives. All this resulted in constant fights and tension between us. Sometimes in those crazy moods she expected me to treat her like a queen, and I despised her for that.

Finally I decided to call it quits. I decided it was not worth the effort. And I decided to do it as soon as possible. She was happy that day due to one or other of her crazy reasons. I deliberately picked the fight. I knew those crazy moments of her, and I knew she would easily pick the fight. This time the discussion was marriage. I don’t know when it blew off and I shouted …

“You are not even beautiful, and you know that. I don’t know why I…”    The familiar flare that I liked so much appeared in her eyes. Only for a moment, then it was replaced with something I couldn’t figure out. She got up slowly and smiled. This time I dint miss the mockery.

“It’s over sweetheart. It’s time to say bye. Do you prefer it filmy way with lot of tears or will a cold handshake do”? She extended those cold slim hands. I simply looked away.  She walked away without another word. I had achieved my mission, but I was not sure if I was happy about it.

Her marriage invite did not come as a surprise. I had picked up rumors from my colleagues. I deleted the invite without opening it. She moved to a different location after marriage.

Yesterday, after two years, I met her again in front of a coffee shop. She was coming out of ATM. I had heard recently that she got a baby boy. But she looked the same. Before I could escape to the shades she saw me and waived. It was an awkward moment. I was not sure what to say. But women are good at such chit chat. She asked about my parents, my work and such niceties.   I invited her to coffee shop as we were blocking other pedestrians. Apart from a change in hair style she was the same as I had known her, except for her eyes. They looked more radiant than ever, as though they knew the secret of happiness. I asked her about her shifting back here, and about her son. Then we had nothing to talk. She was the one who broke that awkward silence.

“I always wanted to say sorry to you for whatever happened. But I could never muster enough courage.  I know it doesn’t make much sense to say it now. But please do forgive me if I hurt you in any way”

 I dint know what to say. I looked at her as though seeing her for the first time. Her luminous eyes waiting for my reply, those slim hands, the small sensual lips… something churned within me.

God damn me for desiring another man’s wife so much. Before god could damn me, she understood and got up. “I have to go. I can’t be away from my son for long… Bye”. She came near me, gently squeezed my shoulder with those cold hands and walked away.  I sat there unable to fathom the sudden lump in my throat.

PS: Again I am late on publishing Valentine Special. Anyways thanks Piyush for this story thread (Only first line is Piyush's contribution, rest all are my imagination ;) ).