Delhi Girl...

It has been a year now. As public forgets fast, its not a hot topic anymore. Delhi gang rape case. Last year this time we saw lot of protests, anger, frustration, cynic comments, social networking involvement, talk shows...the list goes on. The incident was tragic, and I am sure no woman can explain the horror they feel while reading about such cruelty. But there are many things that I did not understand. Sexual assault against women is not something new in India. We read it almost on a daily basis and dismiss it as something happening in a different planet. But in this case the picture was completely different. Whole nation had gone under protest. Especially youth. Of course for a brief moment. Now I guess it’s forgotten. And all the rapes and molestation still continue as though nothing has happened. Is it the brutality of the case that gained it widespread support? Or is it the involvement of social networking sites that changed the picture? I don't know.

Just out of curiosity, I checked the previous "infamous" rape cases in India. Found some cases from Wiki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_in_India
But couldn't remember any of these.

The recent case that got international attention is the Goa case where a Russian teenager (Scarlett Keeling) was raped and murdered. Surprisingly the media acted a little different there. The media painted her sort of a scarlet woman who deserved what she got, and they accused her mother for raising her daughter so badly. I found the cheapness of media funny.

Coming back to the current case, here is a girl from a normal family brought up with Indian values and she got brutally killed by no fault of hers. So I guess the funda of "she deserves it" doesn't stand here. But then why was she killed? The protesters demanded death sentence or castration and Indian Judicial system  also passed a death sentence on all 4 of the convicts (one being already dead in jail).

But then after all these protest's several rapes and killings happened in many places in India. Most horrible of the ones I recently read was the brutal rape of a 3 year old that happened in Kerala. If criminals did care about public protest or death sentence or castration, I don't think these would have happened. So are they effective medicine to prevent rape? Honest answer is I don't know. Because I don’t understand rape. Again went back to wiki for psychological reasons of rape. Here is what I found

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociobiological_theories_of_rape. 

An excerpt from there states
Thornhill and Palmer write that
"In short, a man can have many children, with little inconvenience to himself; a woman can have only a few, and with great effort." Females therefore tend to be choosier with partners. Rape is seen as one potential strategy for males for achieving reproductive success. They point to several other factors indicating that rape may be a reproductive strategy. It is during the potentially childbearing years that women most often are rape victims. Rapists usually do not use more force than necessary to subdue their victims which is argued to be the case since physically injuring the victims would reduce the chance of reproduction.

But the funny part is it doesn't match anywhere in the current picture. The delhi girl was raped, tortured and as a result got killed. To assume that 3 year old girl was anywhere near “potential child bearing years” – Well no comments.

So what’s happening? Why do some of us turn to pathetic maniacs? I have been discussing this topic with one of my male friend. He told all men at some point or other see women in a sexual angle even though they don’t admit it at any point.
There I got a catch. “Even though they don’t admit it any point”. Why do we shun the sexuality within us? Why is it considered sin when it is a simple natural act? May be the answer to all these violence lies there. Our refusal to acknowledge sexuality as something natural. Our urge to brand it as sin. It’s like refusing food to people, branding eating as sin. Of course there is a difference between people who fast and people who are forced to fast. I think same way there is a difference between people who opt celibacy and people who are forced to celibacy due to “Morality”. It could be a stupid speculation. But somehow I am convinced when we dig in deep to find the deterioration in the current society in terms of how we treat women, this reason will pop up in many places, in many forms. I am not suggesting sexual anarchy as a solution. But we humans have moved away from natures law. It's high time we found our way back.

I can only speculate the reasons and be cautious of my own safety. The real solution should come from men. They are the only species who can decipher the real reason behind rape and if possible rectify it.

Delhi girl... I wish you died for a reason. I wish your death brought in lots of favorable changes towards how woman are viewed in our country. I do wish all that... But...! 

I am in love...

Yes... madly, deeply, insanely in love with my new home :) Its just a simple 2 BHK. Nothing special about it, except may be very good ventilation in all rooms. But its the first home we can call our own. It feels special :) And this house, though I keep it untidy as all my other houses, makes me feel calm. May be its the sunlight doing the trick :)... Or the piece of serene sky that wakes me through the bedroom window. Or the small lake that can be seen from balcony... whatever it be, let me get lost in this bliss for some time...Good Night :)

A clean Slate, Can it be?

A clean slate, Can it be?

Redemption is a word that haunts me...

Not for the sins, but for this pain...

Words written can be erased

But torn words, can they be stiched?

Silly question and silly world.

A clean slate, Can it be?

Another year!

"She died at the age of 31. Neither too young, nor too old - The viable dieable age" ... about Ammu's death in God of Small Things. When I read the book, this age was 12 years away :) Time do fly... I turned thirty one yesterday.

What did last year add? Nothing significant. But the insignificants include

1. Started using my scooter again (after long 7 years of break, mastered the fear factor). In this second innings have completed hardly 100kms (2+2 kms to and from office for past 2-3 months), and does not go beyond 30km/hour. Still it do rank top in my insignificants :)
2. Renewed some friendships :)... (Sounds like library membership ;))
3. Did a bit better job at the "mom role" than last year... (Nived may not agree though)
4. 5th wedding anniversary passed by w/o much celebrations, but with an assurance that finally we might manage to live together not going separate ways ;)
5. Updated blog frequently than last year.
6. Put on 2-3 kgs and touched fifty finally... And now m left with worrying abt the big tummy... Looks like all the 3 kgs went there :(
7. Got a mentee :D... This is big story, may be for next post.
8. Did not fall in love... (In fact this should be considered a significant achievement... But the doubt is whether it indicates maturity or just getting old?  :( )
9. Partially bought a plot (money is still to be given..so :))
10. Got promoted in office (More than promotion, there is a shift within me. I have started taking more responsibilities than running away from them. Hope this spreads to home too :))

 Above all these I feel a bit more at ease with myself... Able to forgive most of my mistakes... More than mistakes I would call them stupidities :)

And yeah those dreaded grey hairs. They should top the list actually... ;)
Laziness has prevented me from doing lot of things. As my room mate rightly pointed out, I have been a bag of ideas without any actions. But even with all the in action and mistakes and stupidities I feel blessed today. Thank you Lord...!

Sexuality and a Verdict!

I thought I belong to one of the "ignorants" when it comes to the topic of sexuality. But after the high court verdict I felt a little better ;)... No offense to court here. But the verdict did trigger a lot of thought process. The explanation to the verdict was the usual one when it comes to sex in India. "Indian Culture". I do respect our culture. Not due to my moral consciousness (my what?!!!), but just out of common sense. The family structure that our fore fathers structured and passed on to us is a perfect setting for a society to flourish. Just like the healthy food habits and routines they tried to pass on to us. They did have a good understanding of healthy sexuality. No one can argue the fact that having a steady partner saves a lot of trouble. No worries on "who is next", or on the disease part and of course there is the discipline with in, that energize your life as a whole. There is the part of safe and happy kids too. On the whole picture everyone is happy. But there is one major flaw. The rigidity we attached to it. Like the "Meluhans" in Immortals, we were or still are too rigid on the topic. So naturally the next question will be "Where is the Creativity"? The individuality that marks every human being? - The absolute answer is "Missing" :) We are exactly in a stage as explained in the verdict. A guy and girl shut up in a room and do the "so so" things, voila married and doomed to spend a lifetime together :). Bottom line is no experiments allowed when it comes to this topic ...

 But court can't be blamed. Its our current situation that made court reach the verdict. Not much security for women. Even now single mom's struggle unless they belong to the "super rich" category. And mostly girls grow up without knowing the reality of life, and easily fall prey to any sweetly worded traps laid for them. But then this is our dear India. So this verdict, rather than helping the suffering females will end up as traps to honest gentlemen or ignorant girls out there. Its a sad plight.

Coming back to the real topic, when will we earn the courage to explore sexuality, or even accept it as it is - a basic need of the body at its worst, and a bliss of love at its best. I am not a veteran in the topic. I grew up in a conservative family and still belongs to a conservative family. But I do respect sex, consider it equivalent to any other art form, the only difference being - here the expression and sharing of individuality is limited with in the two people who share it.  And I cant accept the sad plight of our society as an agreeable  logic to equate sexuality and marriage. It only shows me one thing. Our in securities and inability to live independent (its always not acceptable if somebody wants to live alone and explore different things than what the masses do, especially if it is a woman), has driven us insane.

I wish for a society where a woman can raise her kids proudly without much in securities and without the help of a partner if that is the situation. It would be nice if the dads stay around. But if not, let them go. Why go behind them just because they left behind a tiny sperm with in us? If God knows the creation part he knows the sustenance part too. If he thought men are an essential element in raising a kid, he would have devised a better mechanism for them to stay back than the fatal attraction for the opposite gender. No offense to all the wonderful dads out there. Mostly dads are the ones who travel that extra mile to keep the kids happy and safe. But the point here is fatherhood is something not to be forced, but to be accepted gracefully.

Who cares for my wishes anyways... Girls, don't miss the opportunity. It's the perfect chance for the "perfect" partner, provided you can seduce him for one day ;) Don't miss it!!!

Why do I hate Chetan Baghat books?

I like his narration. Its never boring. I can easily read through it. He avoids all complex usages and keep it simple and pleasant. And I do like how he creates certain scenes. I feel almost touched. But then when I finish the book and get up, I always have this feeling "Oh... This is trash"... Except may be for Five Point Someone, I have felt the same for all the rest. The call centre one, Three mistakes, two states, and now to add to the list is Revolution 2020. Just now finished the book. And started wondering why do I feel the book is below average? It never bored me, and I was hooked to the plot and there was this gallantry ending. So I should be able to at least put it in average list. Some how I don't, and here I am perplexed as to why I don't :)
One explanation could be that its a person's sensitivity. Like how a sensitive cook can identify saccharine from sugar, I have a sensitivity to identify the difference between books, even though both tastes sweet. Wow that's an explanation I would love to adhere to ;)
Or there is a not so great explanation - That I am hooked to certain kind of books. The kind of books that I read in my teens. The beautiful classics, which inspired me and instilled in me the firm belief in good. Books like Mother (Gorky), Citadel (A J Cronin), Good Earth (Pearl S Buck), Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky), The old man and the sea (Earnest Hemmingway), those fabulous Russian short stories and the list goes on. When you put down these books after completing them, you feel humble. Or I felt humble. And the narrations and plots were so natural that in the end you will not feel like "Oh, yet another story with a bold "Moral of the story is...blah blah blah" sort of narration". Yes that's it. CBs stories comes with heavy morals, and forced scenes to assert the morals. Subtlety is missing. Or to an old classic fan like me, it is missing :)
The worst possible explanation is I have simply grown old and has got the "Old Syndrome" which glorifies things of past and looks gloomily at the present. But I REFUSE to accept that ;) As proof for rejecting this last and worst possible explanation, I will add a book that I enjoyed immensely and which belongs to the present... "The Hunger Games"... It came as a gift and I simply loved it. Thanks dear Kathu, you gave me a good read and helped me prove I am still young ;)

Losing control and the questions it raise!

After a long time, I got angry today. Anger as in real capital ANGER where my heart beat increased and i started shouting. Thanks to the level headed lady present, who changed the topic on time. I am surprised though, coz the topic that caused all this hungama was corruption in India. Off late I have noticed some silly topics that can affect me badly and had stayed away from them.  But this one was not in the list. Added this one too to the list of topics i should stay away from. But honestly I don't know if it was the topic, or the fact that it came from a person I valued most, that triggered the anger cells. That yet again brings the question. When the hell will I grow up? :(

And I guess I never appreciated achan (my dad) for never ever accepting bribe. I thought it was routine. And effortless. Now I know the effort he must have had to put, to stay away from bribes, especially when he had to pay high fees for my brother and me. Dad, you did not make big money for us to inherit, but you did leave us a legacy, your honesty. Thank you ... I hope I can pass it on  to my son.

Ok... When it comes to honesty there is one more question to be answered. Is it the greatest virtue achievable? I don't think so. It's a way of life you can choose. Krishna from Mahabharatha was not a honest man. He lied according to circumstances. And he was God. I mean he IS God :) So can honesty be considered the greatest virtue if God himself can lie? :) The point is its not about vice or virtue, its just a choice...

Back on Track

For quite some time I have been lost. In depressive thoughts and stupid fears. Its nothing new. And the realization that its something in built in me gives me the strength to ignore it. Now I am back to track. The track of sanity and calmness. Hope I can sustain this bit longer this time :)

I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power,---that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.

But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders.

--Rabindranath Tagore

Being Clumsy & Neatless!

Two of the worst qualities that a woman can have is being clumsy and being neatless. And yeah, I am generously blessed with both. I don't know how God managed to put both of these in my kitty when he released me to live here. It was easier to live with these during my childhood days. In a family gathering or any social event I just had to keep my silence. People used to praise me then..."She is a nice silent kid"... they never realized The fact that I had no clue on how to do chit chat with strangers. Not exactly strangers. But to me honestly they were. Those far relatives and acquaintances who always asked me - "Molu, do u remember us?". I could never remember them. And even if I did, could never find something pleasant to tell them. To remember their son is working in some big company or their daughter is married to some nice family at some place, was a tedious task for me. But then there was always the smile that rescued me. Any question can be answered with a disarming innocent smile. Of course when you are a maiden, that would suffice. But once you are married expectations change. They expect you to initiate the conversation rather than them coming with the "Molu..." line, coz I have grown out of that "Molu" stage.  Thats where the problem started. I can chat thousand senseless things with my friends, but I cant make a single line of those "expected sweet talk". It simply refuse to show up on my lips at the right time. They think I am rude. May be I am a little rude, but nobody is giving me any sympathy for my clumsiness... Trust me people, its a DISABILITY... Sigh!!!!

And the second part is my neatlessness. I don’t know how God managed to pull that miracle on me. I haven't met a more dirty woman than myself (Dirty here has the literal meaning, with respect to body and surroundings and nothing related to mind... I am way too innocent to imply anything... LOL). It was legendary in hostel and it still is. Again this was another one that was managed well in childhood coz I had a neat mommy :) . I managed to keep the house dirty and she managed to clean it up. As simple as that. But the problem is now I am not a kid. Being mom of a 4.5 year old puts me in matured women group right? But I have not changed a bit. The same neatlessness and clumsiness has survived my childhood days to give me company even now. It's a mental disorder I suppose. I don't perceive neatness as others perceive it. Put me in a wreckage with a nice book and I will happily devour the book as though I am in a divinely surrounding.  The pathetic state of my living room never registers properly unless my hubby sulks on that regard. Poor fellow, he might have sinned badly during last birth to endure this torture. And being a mallu, the greatest sin I can commit ever is not taking bath everyday. Yes, I have successfully added that too to my kitty. My mom has asked me many times "How can u survive a day without taking bath". I couldn't tell her that I am barbaric and not civilized like her. I couldn't tell her smell of sweat is soothing to me than any perfume. Bcoz she wont understand it. Becoz women are supposed to be highly evolved gender when it comes to such matters. If I go with my brothers theory of spiritual evolution ladder, I would be at the lowest level possible. Beneath even the tamasiks I suppose. So be it, who cares :)

There now I have done it. The confession. The guilt part is cleared now and I can continue with these crimes as I please, until I feel guilty again - which I doubt I will ;)

A lost word...

There is a word...

Not just yet written....

It was on the tip of this pen

Yet I can't recall it now.

Is it YOU ...

or is it ME ...

Or just an illusion

That it was US ?

Now its gone

Lost in memory lanes

Among millions of

Other faceless words ...

Does it matter ?

I don't know

But it never was

Meant to be ...