Loneliness!

Sometimes loneliness comes and hug you in a crowd

And it clings to you like a wet cloth

The quietness of your mind welcomes the stranger

And make him comfortable throwing "you" out of your mind

(Don't ask me if you can be lonely without "you"

Some questions never get answered however important they are)

So when loneliness settles in and start it's work,

The mindless chatters, silly laughters, meaningless commotions

Everything floats around you like an uninteresting movie

And all you want to do is lie down and weep.

Why does loneliness seek out some people?

Though they are well loved and taken care of

Why does it refuse to leave sometime?

Why does it take your smiles away?

Well, some questions never get answered however silly they are!

A Female Moon!

 We women are like moon,

Fading out from fullness,

To be almost invisible

To emerge back again

To the strong and rounded self!

Every cycle, without fail

We oscillate between insane happiness

And deepest & well hidden, sorrows 

In front of our whole world,

Though the world never notices!

There are days when our spirits 

Are thin like a narrow thread

When it feels like all happiness

Is sucked out of our lungs

And the eyes, they reflect only gloom

Then comes the full moon

And suddenly all eyes are on us

"Look at her, she radiates energy"

Later as usual we fade away unnoticed

Until the next full moon!

One fine day, it all ends

We stop the game of being the moon

And there are choices awaiting

To be the fullest radiant moon 

Or the thinnest saddest one!

As for me, when I reach there

I might choose a three quarter moon

Near to the fullest, but not quite there

Because the radiant me can never exist

Without the melancholy me to lead the way!

Corona!

Corona is back in the household!! It was last April that we got Corona, immediately after our Kashmir trip. I guess it was the flights and crowd and endless photo sessions that caused it. This time we are not even sure what caused it. But my husband is down with corona. No fever or sore throat, this time it is just head ache, body ache and lots and lots of tiredness for him. So far I am spared. Mostly tomorrow or day after I will be down too. Before that I just wanted to jot down this. We are trying quite hard to isolate our son, because he is the only non vaccinated person. 

This pandemic, it's a very funny thing. It has been two years that world is living under the threat of this virus. Where are we heading to? Will there be no corona free world? Masks will be part of our lifestyle forever? I couldn't help wondering. But looks like Corona will stay for a much longer period than we all anticipated. It might be a good thing too. It did slow down the world. It made people look within and realise what's important for them. It helped families come closer. But it did take lives. It did scar some people forever. 

I hope this third wave stays milder and won't burden people like last time. So far it has not created much casualties. May be we will walk out of it this time. And corona will be gone for good. That's what I read somewhere and that's what I want to believe. Will update this post once I am down and recovered for the second time😊

Update:

As expected I was down with Corona. Starting with a day of aches and sore throat, one day of fever and shivering, the next day of tiredness and anticipation of all symptoms to come back. That is so far the corona story.  Now as I am writing this, I am left with a severe cold and a fear that corona has damaged more than visible stuff (this fear comes from my mom's info on heart, blood etc etc after corona), Right now I am not in a mood to entertain all that. If I die today I will die peacefully. I have not accomplished great things, but the tiny things that I did accomplish are enough to make me happy. I am an "easy to be happy" person I guess.

This time also Corona left behind (not sure it has already 'left', hope so) a good thing. I did some reflection on my life and made some adjustments. Whether they will stick is something I have to monitor in the coming days. If they stick, then it's worthy for another post. Today as I write this, I can see the moon. It is an almost full moon, but not quite.  Like me, almost there but not quite. And not yet. But I will :). So much for Corona blues...

Breakups!

I have a lot of things to do, which is not unusal considering the fact that I am a lazy and unorganised person. My ToDo list is always overflowing. But that shouldn't stop me from writing - A self note to me, myself!

I was talking to my niece yesterday. She had a break up recently and went through some rough patches. I am amazed at how she bounced back, started making new friends and moved on leaving behind the bitterness. But the ex-guy had contacted again for some casual chat and she was sadistically happy, because she could sense that he was still affected by the break up (even though he was the one who initiated it), and carried a soft corner for her. She was angry that he is still holding on to the stuff she gifted him, their photos and moments together. She said she had moved on, and could hear his rantings without attaching emotions to it. I am not sure if she was actually doing it or lying to herself. There are different kinds of people. Some lick their wounds and move on without looking back. They are not even affected by the whole baggage of the relationship once they move on. Some dont admit it, even to themselves, that they are affected. Some of us simply accept and acknowledge the happiness and sorrows associated with the baggage and leave it to time to heal it. There is no right or wrong here. It just depends on people and what works for them. 

Afterwards we watched the latest episode of 'This is US' where uncle Nicky meets Sally, the love of his life, after 50 years of isolation. Sally does not even remember Nicky from the umteen encounters she had in her youth. But for Nicky she was the only one and he clung to her memory like a miser holding on to his gold pieces. Those memories gave him hope to move forward. It was a beautiful episode. And I was again thinking about our earlier conversation. How some people just walk past the old experiences to create new flavours and how some others stack old memories and create hope, even though in reality they are far away from those memories. I do that quite often. When I am down I pull out this happy image of a laughing me or stupid me from the past and fend off the sadness. It is a beautiful thing to do. I wanted to tell her that.   Breaking off a relationship does not necessarily mean burying the happy memories too. But then I realised she has to figure it out herself. There are lessons that can be taught and there are lessons to be learned by self. She has a long way to go.

And as for me, I am eagerly waiting for the next episode of 'This is US'!