Worst kind of loneliness is when you are in a crowd and you cannot find the belongingness. You look at people who are close to you, see words slipping away from you not being understood. You realize that it is not their fault or it is not because they do not care. It is just that you have made a cocoon so strong and alien to this world that you cannot connect to people around you. I am touching a new low. I look at people and gulp down the words thinking they will not understand. I feel like I don't belong. Anywhere. Not in office. Not at home. Not in the walk ways. Not in the friends chatter. Not even inside the blanket. I need to find a place where I belong. A place I can carry inside like a tiny firefly. A place to derive energy from.
I thought about my cousin sister who committed suicide. Maybe she was alone. Maybe she couldn't find a place where she belonged. I will not commit suicide. It needs too much planning and execution. I am too lazy for that. But I need to find that place, where I do belong. Soon. Very soon!
