A time to retreat...

What to do when in doubt. Close the doors and sit quiet. Everything settles in silence. Everything emerges from silence. Shut down yourself. It’s the new beginning you asked for. I dint pray for a long time. It’s time to pray again. Oh lord, the chaos is breaking me. I thought I can handle it without you. But I can’t. This mind, your beautiful creation, I don’t know how I messed it up so much. Please stay beside me. I need you...

Love Story!

She was not beautiful. Nobody would give her a second glance. Naturally I was not interested to know about her. But one day we had a fight due to a critical bug. She raised it on my name and I had to defend it. She was trying to explain a stupid hypothetical situation. That’s when I lost it and shouted – “Either you read the documents thoroughly or solve the imaginative issue yourself”. Her eyes burned for a moment. Suddenly I realized there’s a faint tint of brown in her eyes, and they looked so pretty in her anger. I thought she will shout back. But she simply walked away, without a comment. Whole day I sweated out forming explanations in my mind, if at all my manager called me for one. But the day passed as usual.

Next time I saw her I tried to be polite by giving a half smile. As expected she ignored me. After that I kept meeting her at different places. May be we met before also, but it never registered in my brain.

That day was a stressful one. I was at cafeteria having tea alone. I was pissed off with my sister’s sudden decision to call off her marriage. There was not even a weeks’ time for the marriage and she got a cold feet. It was not even because she had an affair with someone else. Just that she felt so. All the preparations and all the money were wasted. Oh God why did my sis have to play the spoiled brat in an important decision like marriage too. I dint realize my face was such a telltale until she sat opposite to me and asked “What’s the matter with you?” Her voice was flat, without any emotions. That could be the reason why I related everything to her, instead of shouting get out.
“You seem to care a lot about the society?”

Her question was unexpected.

“Why do you say that?”

“You seem to be more concerned about society’s opinion than your sister’s”

That’s when I caught her mockery.  “I know what’s good for my sister”.  My voice was ice cold.

“Hope so. Anyways let’s not fight, it will get ugly as that day” And she smiled. She had a spontaneous smile.  A smile that illuminated her eyes and made her lips glow…, I quickly looked away.  Our friendship started there. It was easy to be friends with her. She talked a lot of non-sense and you just had to listen as though that’s the most important thing in the world. Half of the time I pretended to listen looking at her animated eyes and tried to figure out when that brown shade came.

“Your problem is you think too much about the world around you and less about yourself. Just reverse it and think about yourself and care less about the world…” As usual she was professing me one day.

“Right now my problem is I think I am falling for you”

I don’t know what made me say those cheesy lines, but her whole face went bright red. It was nice to watch for a change because it was tough to catch her offhand. The silence was awkward. I changed the subject to put her at ease. We never talked about that again. But at times when I held her hands she dint pull away. Her hands were so slim and always cold.

“Your hands are so cold”

“It’s the skin. It’s acting as a coolant”. She answered with a wicked grin.

“What?”

“Do you know what kind of materials requires coolants?” She snapped and laughed like mad. That girl was really crazy.

Everything started going wrong when the question of commitment came. It never came from her, but from my parents. My sis had got married to one of her childhood friend and my parents were worried about me. I was not sure what to do. There was lot of technical difficulties involved if I had to take her name to my parents. Somehow I was not convinced if she was worth it. I was not sure if I loved her enough. To be honest I had imagined a wall paper like beautiful wife, as most of my friends had what they call “Trophy” wives. All this resulted in constant fights and tension between us. Sometimes in those crazy moods she expected me to treat her like a queen, and I despised her for that.

Finally I decided to call it quits. I decided it was not worth the effort. And I decided to do it as soon as possible. She was happy that day due to one or other of her crazy reasons. I deliberately picked the fight. I knew those crazy moments of her, and I knew she would easily pick the fight. This time the discussion was marriage. I don’t know when it blew off and I shouted …

“You are not even beautiful, and you know that. I don’t know why I…”    The familiar flare that I liked so much appeared in her eyes. Only for a moment, then it was replaced with something I couldn’t figure out. She got up slowly and smiled. This time I dint miss the mockery.

“It’s over sweetheart. It’s time to say bye. Do you prefer it filmy way with lot of tears or will a cold handshake do”? She extended those cold slim hands. I simply looked away.  She walked away without another word. I had achieved my mission, but I was not sure if I was happy about it.

Her marriage invite did not come as a surprise. I had picked up rumors from my colleagues. I deleted the invite without opening it. She moved to a different location after marriage.

Yesterday, after two years, I met her again in front of a coffee shop. She was coming out of ATM. I had heard recently that she got a baby boy. But she looked the same. Before I could escape to the shades she saw me and waived. It was an awkward moment. I was not sure what to say. But women are good at such chit chat. She asked about my parents, my work and such niceties.   I invited her to coffee shop as we were blocking other pedestrians. Apart from a change in hair style she was the same as I had known her, except for her eyes. They looked more radiant than ever, as though they knew the secret of happiness. I asked her about her shifting back here, and about her son. Then we had nothing to talk. She was the one who broke that awkward silence.

“I always wanted to say sorry to you for whatever happened. But I could never muster enough courage.  I know it doesn’t make much sense to say it now. But please do forgive me if I hurt you in any way”

 I dint know what to say. I looked at her as though seeing her for the first time. Her luminous eyes waiting for my reply, those slim hands, the small sensual lips… something churned within me.

God damn me for desiring another man’s wife so much. Before god could damn me, she understood and got up. “I have to go. I can’t be away from my son for long… Bye”. She came near me, gently squeezed my shoulder with those cold hands and walked away.  I sat there unable to fathom the sudden lump in my throat.

PS: Again I am late on publishing Valentine Special. Anyways thanks Piyush for this story thread (Only first line is Piyush's contribution, rest all are my imagination ;) ).