An encounter!

A friend walked away from me today. He was going towards his car. I was walking behind him towards my car. He walked away as though he did not see me. Or may be he actually did not. Once upon a time he was a close friend. I was pondering over the little incident. Did it hurt? A little. When I imagined the laughy me and him walking towards the car 3 years ago, it felt like another lifetime. But more than anything I was relieved. That peaceful coexistence is still possible between us. I was also relieved that it did not bother me as much as I thought it would. 

I was retrospecting during my drive back home. The irritating part for me is the lose of friendship. I care about very few people and most of them are still with me. I try not to lose important people in my life. But there were decisions to be taken that had repercussions. Surprisingly it was something I knew all along and something I ignored and had to pay a hefty price for.

That took me back to all the decisions in my life. My friend used to point out a particular decision and tell me it was wrong and my life would have been much more happier if I did not take that one. It was a decision at the age of 23, so it had that much maturity only. I sometimes used to think she was right. But today I was sure about one thing.  Whatever decision I had taken or not taken, I would have been the same happy me at this point in my life. The same grateful person. The same lazy person who retrospects and finds more love within. The peaceful person who is at peace with all the flaws in me. The one that knows I can touch depths of depression and come back to bubbling happiness in no time. I am in love with myself, for today. With the full knowledge that I will hate the same me tomorrow.

There is a pleasing confidence that comes with age. A maturity that soothes you irrespective of what happens around you. I guess I am going to rock the 40s. Yes, I am turning 40 this year!

I know this post doesn't make much sense. But this is for me myself, for a mental health check. I passed the health check!

Love!

Yesterday, I went for a night drive with 3 other friends. Interestingly, the topic turned to love. One of them asked to define love. I told without thinking that "it's just an energy flow between two people". And I was surprised that I stumbled upon an almost accurate answer for love. When you love someone your whole being is energised by that persons presence. Even thoughts about him/her can energise you to do things that otherwise seems uninteresting. But the funny part is we fall in love with a beautiful image of the other person that we created. The image that is flawless. And if by any chance we get married to that person, the flawless image that we created slowly disintegrates. Slowly reality creeps in. And you see the other a little less, love them a little less. Here is where a good friendship helps. Even though you see the other person stripped of all his/her glory, your relationship can stay because of the strong bond of friendship that is already formed. The friendship can take the marriage forward. If friendship is not formed and the love bubble breaks, the relationship either breaks or continues with resentments. Just my theory on marriage. But marriages can come in every different colours. What works for one may not work for another. And I do honestly think marriage should be kept away from love!

Coming back to love, what actually is love? It depends on people I think. 10 years back I would have defined love differently. But now to me love is kindness. I feel loved when people are kind to me. And I feel in love when I am kind to them. This might be a wrong definition. But it suits me. For now! Another couple of years and I will change it... 

We!

We came out of nowhere

With all our differences

And the suspicions and awkwardness 

That came with the unlikeness

We talked we laughed and we shared

Opening a new world of possibilities 

Of simple happiness and light laughters

Of gossips and stories and games...

We happened, spontaneously

And lightly like a feather

For we don't carry weights

Of egos and promises and social norms

We happened, in a flow...

We may stay, or we may split

Our paths are wide and vast

And can carry us to faraway lands

But these moments my friend

They stay happily ever after,

As thin wisps of soul fillings memories

Etched to this otherwise mundane life!