Vodka and Tuesday :)

We had a farewell party during our final year in B Tech. The party was hosted in a renowned Hotel in the city. It turned out to be a very nice event. Well, in the middle of the party my dearest friend KK who had promised to buy me a drink (read vodka!!), whenever he get a chance, told me that there is a bar in 5th floor of the building. I had never tasted any hot drinks before (not even beer), and very badly wanted to taste vodka, the elixir portrayed in all Russian classics. So without having a second thought I went enthusiastically with my stupid idiot friend KK. Naru, the Mr.NeverMind of our class, joined us. The three of us headed boldly to 5th floor. By the time we reached the entrance to bar, my heart started pounding very badly, that I doubted I am going to get a heart attack. I could sense that KK was tensed too. But Naru had no concerns what so ever.
We opened the door and took one step inside. Inside was deserted , except for all the neatly arranged chairs and tables. I don't know if that is the case in all bars, but the ambiance here was much better than the restaurant above where our party was being conducted. We were gingerly heading to one side table, when this guy stopped us. I think he was some head butler or something of the sort. He was a short dark guy in a very neatly pressed black and white uniform. He gave me a polite nod and addressed KK - "What do you want Sir?". KK was having trouble with his own tongue... "Well... we want... drinks". His reply was prompt
"Sorry sir bar is closed today. Its closed on all Tuesdays of the week"
Before he finished the sentence I was out of the place and heading towards the lift. I felt relieved. Soon KK and Naru joined me. When we were heading back to our own party suddenly realization hit me - "KK its Friday, Today is friday!!!!"...

The sad fact is till today I have not tasted Vodka. Now I can, if I want. My hubby is more than willing to make me a drunkard :), but somehow the fact that drinking is no more prohibited made me lose interest in it :D :D. But my dear vodka, some day I am going to get my hands on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful Woman

I have always wished to be a beautiful woman. Like the women we read about in stories, with perfect features and perfect face. A beautiful woman who can turn heads by just being there. A woman with charisma. A woman like Tolstoy's Anna. During college days I had my share of inferiority complex about my looks. But more than that, I wanted to be a beautiful woman, just to know the power of being beautiful. How will you feel when you know that you can manipulate people without putting any effort other than a simple smile (Kuthiraykku kombu kodukkilla ennu parayunnathu veruthe alla ;)). As Chanakya rightly said "Beauty of a 17 year old girl is more dangerous than any powerful man in the whole world". I have many friends who are very pretty. But only 2 or 3 falls under the category of beautiful woman. Of course beauty is always relative and depends on beholder, but these friends whom I talk about are really beautiful, and knows how to carry off their beautiful self. There is another aspect as well. They are well aware of the fact that they are beautiful [:D] and more than that they know how to make use of their power as a beautiful woman. My best friend N, she is something like a thunderbolt. With her smile and demure manners she has achieved hundred folds than any other brute force could ever achieve. I have always watched her with awe and envy, the way she can manipulate people - most of the times they would not even realize they have been manipulated. Most pretty woman does that unknowingly, but her strength is she can do that knowingly.

But there is another aspect to beauty. Charisma... There was a senior in our college. No one will give her a second look for her "looks". She was dark, without any poetically mentionable features like doe eyes or elegant nose or full lips or a commendable figure. But each time she walked heads automatically turned to her. Her confident self was capable of attracting people, without being the "pretty woman". I should be trying to attain this charisma at least. But the sad truth is if it took the whole of last 27 years to make this blunt self it will take another 27 to get it refined :(. Anyway nothing wrong in trying :D

So that is one of my recurring day dream - what I would have achieved had I been a beautiful woman :D :D.... Most probably I would have been murdered even before I can do some simple experiments with my power (Athanallo kayyiliruppu :D)... ;D

I wish I could say ......

Words are trivial. They don't say anything. They can only stare back and smile at you, mocking your failed attempts to say something. At times, when they do say something, the meaning gets lost somewhere in between them. Still we talk, still we write, in the vain hope that some day our words will resonate what we have to say !!!!

Dowry

(This was written before my marriage, to be precise on 23rd March 2007... :D )

I don't know why I choose this topic right now. May be because my parents are searching feverishly for a guy for me, or may be because now a days I hear a lot of conversation going on around me about the same. Whenever I hear this topic being discussed I feel a horrible aversion, unfortunately not towards the male gender, but to my own kind. I am not a feminist. But now a days I do believe in the Superiority(You have read it right, its not equality) of Women. I am proud to be woman. But that's not the reason why I believe in their superiority. I feel they have their priorities right. And the most important part is they do agree that they are incomplete without a man. OK, as usual I am deviating from the topic. Lets come back.

Well how did this system of dowry came into existence. May be because women were not the earning members of their family, just to ensure their part in the monitory contribution to family, parents started giving away riches along with their daughter. Or may be to make the Polygamous men to monogamous, some wise old woman invented this system, that they will be given money along with wife, but they can have only one wife ;) Yes that's also a possibility, and a very good one I suppose :) Or at the time of wars when women outnumbered men many times, due to the huge demand for men, this horrible custom started. That's also a good possibility :) But whatever be its cause of origin what I don't understand is why is it still existing?

We can argue its lack of education. But even in a society like Kerala where literacy rate is very high, this system exists. Not exactly in the form of dowry in some communities, but in the form of "gifts". One thing I will never understand is why women including me wont protest against this. Ya, in between the usual gossip talk we will say its very unfair, horrible etc etc... But when it comes down to reality there is nobody to protest. I don't know if it is due to greed (after all they are given really expensive "gifts"), or to show off (my parents gave me this much) or fear(what everyone will say if i am not given gold and rich gifts) or act of duty towards parents (they will feel bad if I don't accept), I have seen only a few women who have the guts to say I am an asset to my husband and there is no need of more. Men most of the times take an impartial stand. If they get dowry very nice, if not still OK. But at least here I cant blame them, because after all one who is suffering should protest, not the one who is enjoying benefits.

At this point I usually think about the act of Sathi and Rajaram Mohan Roy. It took the effort of a man to stop that ruthless practice. Why is it that women never protest against anything? Many of the Women out there will not agree to this statement, but I feel that women tend to accept things as is, even though they feel it is unfair, than take pains to fight back and make a change favourable to them. In other words we have a tendency to choose what is easy than what is right :( . Hmmm (sigh!!!) :(

"Na sthree swathanthram arhati" - Woman does not deserve freedom

"Pitah Rakshathi Koumare

Pati Rakshathi Youvanne

Puthro Rakshathi Vardaykye

Na sthree swathanthram arhati"

Much debated wisdom from respected Acharya Manu. In seventh or eighth standard we had one whole chapter in Malayalam pointing out the meaninglessness in this line and illustrating how woman lost their freedom. In my teenage (why does it seem like such a long time ago, it was only 8 years ago :( ), we used to have heated discussions about the unfairness of his statement and abuse dump Manu for making such stupid proclamations.

But now, if you ask me about the truth in these lines, I will wholeheartedly agree with Manu. It is like the saying "Moothavar vakkum muthunellikkem aadyam kaykkum pinne mathurikkum". Most of the time only the last line is quoted and debated. From an individualistic point of view maybe it is unfair. But as a society, these wise words from Manu has huge impact. Actually the mathematics of Manu's calculation is fairly simple if you are ready to view it in a non emotional, society oriented way. For each society, survival is one of the most important (rather THE important) factor. For survival, always a better generation than preceding one is desired. Mothers influence over the baby is far far greater than that of a father. I am not underestimating the role and responsibility of a father in bringing up a baby. But it is not even remotely comparable with a mom. So what Manu wisely points out is, if women are taken care properly, if they are devoid of any worries, you are promised a healthy and intelligent new generation, who are wise enough to survive in harmony with the nature. That is why women should be taken care of properly, by father, husband and son.

Now about freedom, freedom can be extremely dangerous, if not handled properly. Freedom (exposure to world), can introduce unnecessary worries too. As a mom I can tell you this, I was far more stressed during my pregnancy than my cousin, who is a house wife. Each negative impact on a woman's body or mind can get directly translated to the next generation. With freedom the risk of these negative impacts gets multiplied hundred fold. So why risk the next generation :D

Well that's my interpretation of Manu's words. There will be much more depth in his words than can be conceived by my stupid mind. But I do believe him.

But in our current society, I don't know if his words has any relevance. Currently we are a bunch of individuals living in a society, who are not bothered about nature or next generation. What matters today is "I" rather than us. Well may be that's another beautifully knit plan our of mother nature. In "God of Small Things" (Arundhathi Roy), Uncle Chako explains to Rahel and Esthappan, that if mother earth is a 45 yer old lady, human beings are just 2 seconds old. May be we are the self destructive tool that nature has invented to recycle herself slowly. Using our "ego" we are destructing the nature in all possible ways. But my gut feeling is that this is precisely what she (mother nature) has intended us to do. That is why she planted this stupid intelligence in us. May be we are not the "superior species" as we boast we are, but just a Dispose() call by nature on herself :D

PS: This post started as a reply to this one. As it got longer I put it as a post :D