A time to retreat...

What to do when in doubt. Close the doors and sit quiet. Everything settles in silence. Everything emerges from silence. Shut down yourself. It’s the new beginning you asked for. I dint pray for a long time. It’s time to pray again. Oh lord, the chaos is breaking me. I thought I can handle it without you. But I can’t. This mind, your beautiful creation, I don’t know how I messed it up so much. Please stay beside me. I need you...

Love Story!

She was not beautiful. Nobody would give her a second glance. Naturally I was not interested to know about her. But one day we had a fight due to a critical bug. She raised it on my name and I had to defend it. She was trying to explain a stupid hypothetical situation. That’s when I lost it and shouted – “Either you read the documents thoroughly or solve the imaginative issue yourself”. Her eyes burned for a moment. Suddenly I realized there’s a faint tint of brown in her eyes, and they looked so pretty in her anger. I thought she will shout back. But she simply walked away, without a comment. Whole day I sweated out forming explanations in my mind, if at all my manager called me for one. But the day passed as usual.

Next time I saw her I tried to be polite by giving a half smile. As expected she ignored me. After that I kept meeting her at different places. May be we met before also, but it never registered in my brain.

That day was a stressful one. I was at cafeteria having tea alone. I was pissed off with my sister’s sudden decision to call off her marriage. There was not even a weeks’ time for the marriage and she got a cold feet. It was not even because she had an affair with someone else. Just that she felt so. All the preparations and all the money were wasted. Oh God why did my sis have to play the spoiled brat in an important decision like marriage too. I dint realize my face was such a telltale until she sat opposite to me and asked “What’s the matter with you?” Her voice was flat, without any emotions. That could be the reason why I related everything to her, instead of shouting get out.
“You seem to care a lot about the society?”

Her question was unexpected.

“Why do you say that?”

“You seem to be more concerned about society’s opinion than your sister’s”

That’s when I caught her mockery.  “I know what’s good for my sister”.  My voice was ice cold.

“Hope so. Anyways let’s not fight, it will get ugly as that day” And she smiled. She had a spontaneous smile.  A smile that illuminated her eyes and made her lips glow…, I quickly looked away.  Our friendship started there. It was easy to be friends with her. She talked a lot of non-sense and you just had to listen as though that’s the most important thing in the world. Half of the time I pretended to listen looking at her animated eyes and tried to figure out when that brown shade came.

“Your problem is you think too much about the world around you and less about yourself. Just reverse it and think about yourself and care less about the world…” As usual she was professing me one day.

“Right now my problem is I think I am falling for you”

I don’t know what made me say those cheesy lines, but her whole face went bright red. It was nice to watch for a change because it was tough to catch her offhand. The silence was awkward. I changed the subject to put her at ease. We never talked about that again. But at times when I held her hands she dint pull away. Her hands were so slim and always cold.

“Your hands are so cold”

“It’s the skin. It’s acting as a coolant”. She answered with a wicked grin.

“What?”

“Do you know what kind of materials requires coolants?” She snapped and laughed like mad. That girl was really crazy.

Everything started going wrong when the question of commitment came. It never came from her, but from my parents. My sis had got married to one of her childhood friend and my parents were worried about me. I was not sure what to do. There was lot of technical difficulties involved if I had to take her name to my parents. Somehow I was not convinced if she was worth it. I was not sure if I loved her enough. To be honest I had imagined a wall paper like beautiful wife, as most of my friends had what they call “Trophy” wives. All this resulted in constant fights and tension between us. Sometimes in those crazy moods she expected me to treat her like a queen, and I despised her for that.

Finally I decided to call it quits. I decided it was not worth the effort. And I decided to do it as soon as possible. She was happy that day due to one or other of her crazy reasons. I deliberately picked the fight. I knew those crazy moments of her, and I knew she would easily pick the fight. This time the discussion was marriage. I don’t know when it blew off and I shouted …

“You are not even beautiful, and you know that. I don’t know why I…”    The familiar flare that I liked so much appeared in her eyes. Only for a moment, then it was replaced with something I couldn’t figure out. She got up slowly and smiled. This time I dint miss the mockery.

“It’s over sweetheart. It’s time to say bye. Do you prefer it filmy way with lot of tears or will a cold handshake do”? She extended those cold slim hands. I simply looked away.  She walked away without another word. I had achieved my mission, but I was not sure if I was happy about it.

Her marriage invite did not come as a surprise. I had picked up rumors from my colleagues. I deleted the invite without opening it. She moved to a different location after marriage.

Yesterday, after two years, I met her again in front of a coffee shop. She was coming out of ATM. I had heard recently that she got a baby boy. But she looked the same. Before I could escape to the shades she saw me and waived. It was an awkward moment. I was not sure what to say. But women are good at such chit chat. She asked about my parents, my work and such niceties.   I invited her to coffee shop as we were blocking other pedestrians. Apart from a change in hair style she was the same as I had known her, except for her eyes. They looked more radiant than ever, as though they knew the secret of happiness. I asked her about her shifting back here, and about her son. Then we had nothing to talk. She was the one who broke that awkward silence.

“I always wanted to say sorry to you for whatever happened. But I could never muster enough courage.  I know it doesn’t make much sense to say it now. But please do forgive me if I hurt you in any way”

 I dint know what to say. I looked at her as though seeing her for the first time. Her luminous eyes waiting for my reply, those slim hands, the small sensual lips… something churned within me.

God damn me for desiring another man’s wife so much. Before god could damn me, she understood and got up. “I have to go. I can’t be away from my son for long… Bye”. She came near me, gently squeezed my shoulder with those cold hands and walked away.  I sat there unable to fathom the sudden lump in my throat.

PS: Again I am late on publishing Valentine Special. Anyways thanks Piyush for this story thread (Only first line is Piyush's contribution, rest all are my imagination ;) ).

Music...!!!

I am not a music person. Not only that I cant sing, I am a very poor judge of the subject too. I used to tell my friends that I am musically challenged ;) There was only one intense moment of music in my life. Thats when I cried listening to Kailas Kher(Teri Deewani). Even now I dont know why I cried listening to that song. Recently came across few good songs through a "lonely" friend of mine. "Nothing Else Matters" was the first one I listened to. Liked it, especially the lyrics and simply forgot it. Then few days back I ended up in his cubicle listening to "Outside". There was something absorbing about the lyrics. Like they sketched the world of pitch dark pain and infinite happiness. Where heaven and hell co existed. Where nothing else but that moment mattered. Thats when I realized I have some taste in music. If not for the sake of beats but for lyrics. I found a poetic beauty in the albums he shared, as if they speak a language of their own, which can be enjoyed but never explained.
Here are few others.
Seether - Fine Again
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris.
Goo Goo dolls - Here is gone
Creed - My sacrifice
Creed - One last breath
Snow Petrol - Chasing Car

Thanks dear "lonely" friend for finding something which I dint know was there in me :)

Madness

My madness is back, and this time I am scared. I cannot find the reason, now. It has reached beyond reasoning. The restless within is jumping out in all forms of ugliness. Why do some people have to carry a madness within them, even if they dont wish to? Why is it that there is such infinite pain in some people without any specific reason? Why do some stupid fears affect you much more than you think they will? If the questions start the end is tough to find. But I guess its high time I accepted the fact that certain things can never be explained ...!!!

Mother (Gorky)- My Bible

Each time I read this book a purification happens with in me. Something gets refined. I am not attempting to do a review of this excellent novel. Its beyond my capacity to understand the depth of the revolutionary thoughts and ideas shared in the book. But on each read I enjoy the love that radiates from this book. To me its purely a book on love. I cherish all the relations as my own. The way mother loves everyone and everything. The way she cherish every single appreciation from Pavel her son, the way she loves Andrey, the way she cares for Natasha, Sasha , Sophia and others, the friendship between Pavel and Andrey, the reformation of Viskovishkov, every relation is so beautifully sketched that the characters just refuse to leave you even after keeping the book down.

One of my favorite conversation between Andrey(Little Russian), Pavel and Viskovishkov(Nikolay )

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I'm not fit for anything but jobs like that!" said Nikolay dully, shrugging his shoulders. "I keep thinking, and thinking where my place in the world is. There is no place for me! The people require to be spoken to, and I cannot. I see everything; I feel all the people's wrongs; but I cannot express myself: I have a dumb soul." He went over to Pavel with drooping head; and scraping his fingers on the table, he said plaintively, and so unlike himself, childishly, sadly: "Give me some hard work to do, comrade. I can't live this life any longer. It's so senseless, so useless. You are all working in the movement, and I see that it is growing, and I'm outside of it all. I haul boards and beams. Is it possible to live for the sake of hauling timber? Give me some hard work."

Pavel clasped his hand, pulling him toward himself.
"We will!"
From behind the curtains resounded the Little Russian's voice:
"Nikolay, I'll teach you typesetting, and you'll work as a compositor for us. Yes?"
Nikolay went over to him and said:
"If you'll teach me that, I'll give you my knife."

"To the devil with your knife!" exclaimed the Little Russian and burst out laughing.

"It's a good knife," Nikolay insisted. Pavel laughed, too.
Vyesovshchikov stopped in the middle of the room and asked:
"Are you laughing at me?"
"Of course," replied the Little Russian, jumping out of bed. "I'll tell you what! Let's take a walk in the fields! The night is fine; there's bright moonshine. Let's go!"
"All right," said Pavel.
"And I'll go with you, too!" declared Nikolay. "I like to hear you laugh, Little Russian."
"And I like to hear you promise presents," answered the Little Russian, smiling.
While Andrey was dressing in the kitchen, the mother scolded him:
"Dress warmer! You'll get sick." And when they all had left, she watched them through the window; then looked at the ikon, and said softly: "God help them!"

She turned off the lamp and began to pray alone in the moonlit room.

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Couldn't find Title ;)

Its very difficult to hide my happiness, and yes sadness too. But sadness usually erupts out as anger or stupidity, so its kind of fine. But happiness erupts out at all odd moments as smiles and laughters. People around me think I am insane. Coz they see me staring at my monitor and smiling. Actually I am having a nice chat conversation.  Or at times in meetings some serious conversation reminds me of some stupid converstaion i had with friends. Thats it, start of an insane giggle session. I might be adding years to my life, but honestly when will I grow up?

A Beautiful Me :)

I found a beautiful me
A nice one, though a narcissist;

Found the power of my fragility
The dignity of this insanity
The sharpness in this incoherence
The order within chaos and
The sweetness of this stupid self ;)

Thanks to the 29 years
Which struggled to inject some wisdom
Into this stupid cracked pot

I turned 29 today :D

Vinnai Thandi Varuvaya... Valentine Special ;)

Recently watched Vinnai Thandi Varuvaya in TV. Our cable guys were kind enough to play that movie on a holiday. But "watched" is not the right word. Managed to grab the story line, in between constant interruptions from my son. I felt all the dialogues were beautiful, but couldn't understand even a single dialogue in full, as my son was shouting on top of his voice. I wish I could watch the movie in theater some day. Visuals were awesome. And the major attraction was, for the first time, I felt like watching a part from my own life. I had a boyfriend once. It sounds trivial to call him boyfriend. All we knew was we had a relation which was one step ahead of friendship. Just as in the movie, he was 22 then and me 23. He a Tamilian n me Mallu. And I ended the relationship, for reasons I cannot articulate even now... The similarity with the movie ends there. It was not a hot intimate yet strained relation as portrayed in the movie, but just a good friendship which grew old to become something more than friendship. Many people do argue that if you can't keep the promise don't fall in love. But I feel it's always better to fall in love, than ignore it in lieu of all the practical matters around you. But I might be wrong, because I have always been an emotional person :)

The happiness we shared was absolute. May be bcoz, we both were naive and were yet to acquire the cunningness required in this stupid society. A lot of happy memories remain -
The way he looked at me at times with that brilliant sparkle in his eyes. It was not a sparkle of love, but something in between exasperation, amusement and mockery...His dimples while he smiled...How we could decode our insecurities without verbal communication (yeah crabs can do that - forgot to tell u, we shared birthday too :D)...The stupid chatter...Laughter filled evenings...The rains we shared...The train journey...
Well it goes on until the final bitterness...

I had planned to post this on Valentine's day. As usual with my punctuality, it is coming 5 days late :)
So the point is certain moments are cherished life long how much ever bitter the relation turns out later. If we meet today, we will mostly be two strangers who can just smile at each other as we did on that first day, no night, no twilight -  we met. But that doesn't diminish the beauty of what we shared.
Happy Valentine's Year (since the day is already over ;)) to all of you...

A person...

A person I Love - .....
A person I Hate - .....
A person I Adore - .....
A person I Despise - .....
A person I wish to run away with - .....
A person I wish to run away from - .....
A person I want to kill - .....
A person I want to die for - .....

Surprisingly all the blanks can be filled with the same name :D

Kashmir...

During the time of partition Kashmir was ruled by  Maharaja Hari Singh. Like many other kings during his time he wanted to retain the rule of Kashmir, by refusing to join India or Pakisthan. Jinnah, expected Kasmir to join Pakistan, as more than 75% of the residents were Muslims. Once Jinnah started suspecting foul play by Hari Singh, he tried to conquer Kashmir using Pathans. Pathans attacked kashmir on 22nd Oct 1947. Since the Pathans were more interested in looting than conquering the capital city Srinagar, Indian govt got ample time to plan and defend Kashmir. Fear of Kashmir falling to Pathan's attack plus the tactics of VP Menon made Hari Singh to sign the treaty to join Indian Dominion. So Kashmir became a part of India, because Hari Singh wished it to be, neglicting the wish of his country men. Courtsey for this information - Freedom at Midnight (Larry Collins and Dominic Lapier)


Since then Kashmir has withessed hell a lot of wars. It is a place which has never known peace. A beautiful hell. That's what Kashmir is right now. As usual, now also Kashmir is in news for all wanted and unwanted reasons. We are ready to file petitions against people who say Kashmir has never been an integral part of India. Are we not getting too emotional on the subject? Of course for a South Indian like me, Kashmir is a beautiful heaven which belongs to my nation and I am proud of it. And that's just what it is. A heaven which doesn't affect me much. The problem has a direct impact only on the residents. And they are not so proud of the fact that they belong to a diverse nation called India. No one can blame them for getting tired of all this war life, that too for a span of over 60 years. So what is the soultion? Is it "Azadi" as Kashmiri's youth demands (see here). But Kasmir is also facing the problem of youth bulge. According to that article in Hindu, 64% of the population of Kashmir falls under the age group of 18-30. That is a very dangerous age group. Immensely strong willed and with great visions, but without the experience for the journey to achieve that vision. Even if Kashmir is granted freedom, how long can they survive independent, with two powerful and "loving" neighbours like India and Pakisthan. Do these people who demand independence have a clear vision of the huge responsibilities that will be entrusted on their shoulders once they gain freedom?

Its really a complicated situation. Even if India grants freedom, Kashmir will not be able to bear the heat of the gained freedom. I don't think there will be an immediate solution to the political situation there. Neither India nor Pakisthan will budge from their stand. But is there a way to restore normal life to citizens of Kashmir, pulling the military attacks and all such stuff to background? Tough call... But I feel it might not be impossible. I am not a Chanakya to suggest effective means of solving this problem. But self employment and self sustainance is something that can be promoted.

It's high time, India shed the emotional attachment that we always upholds in the issue. We should start thinking in a practical way, and that too one which will be beneficial to the citizens too. But I strongly suspect if anyone will care for the inhabitants, when the place at stake is the beautiful Kashmir :(

An interesting mail conversation :)

A mail conversation which happened some time back... Sorry merie darling, for not asking ur consent...:)

Hi friends,
After reading Kite Runner the second time, I got inspired to know more about the real happenings in Afganisthan :) On the first read I went through the main story only. But the second time (that is this time) the incidents hit me more than the central thread of the story. So I did a bit of googling on Hazaras in Wiki :)
Today I had a conversation with ullikka about Hazaras. He gave me this web page to look intohttp://www.hazaranet.com/who.html
Interestingly I navigated from this page to this one belowhttp://www.hazaranet.com/why.html
Is it not a bit sad that some people from Christianity, use helpless victims to increase the number of Christian desciples. Exploitation of adverse situations by relegious instuitutions is ridiculous.I don't mind anyone's relegion as long as he/she doesn't preach his/her belief on me. I have seen this kind of frenzy to preach on one of my cousin who is an ardent "Sai Baba" desciple. I have nothing against Baba. Maybe he is a great man, reincarnation of Krisha himself as they say (I have never been to see Baba nor experienced him, so I can't praise or criticize), but what if all I need is a Krishna idol rather than the reincarnation of Krishna. Why do people have this tendency to pull others also to their own chosen path? Is it because of the fear of being alone if the chosen path is wrong??? Or is it the good will to show the good path to the next person as well??? I hate preachings and that web page left me sad :(
If you people are busy don't even think of replying. I am idle so my mind has turned into a pretty dirty workshop :) But ajeesh as u r bedridden ur thoughts are welcome:-)
Merie, no offence against your relegion, I like Christianity in its true sense and more than that I like Christ as a God I can relate to more than Krishna or Vishnu. But these kind of attempts from so called Christians is pathetic :(
Soumya

Hey Soumya,
I was very busy this weekend.However, I had marked this email specially for reminding me to reply.
I dont know personally about which is the association behind.
As you might know there are several divisions of Christianity.
I belong to Catholic church, which nowadays as a principle does not believe in these kind of activities.
We beleive more on actions.The bible also mentions that as a Christian our actions should speak for ourselves.
I can quote the example of two people I know personally who is working for poor and underprivileged and never converted anybody.
I am replying just to you, becos both of them does not want to get publicity for this kind of work.
First is Mr XYZ.He is working in Vincent de Paul society(which is an organization part of our church) which helpes poor people, familiés(basically they adopt very poor families providing them everything that they need...) and students whether they are Hindus,Muslims or Christians.He is working in that area in his part time for the last 35 years.he has never preached or forced anybody to convert to Christianity.(The organization conducts several awareness sessions for poor women about slef help groups, nutrition for food,breast feeding etc etc )
Second is Mr ZXY, a priest working in Bihar(and nowadays Jharkhand) to provide lower caste people with education.
He has been working in India for past 43 years(knows Hindi,Bihari and English) trying to uplift conditions for poor by educating young children.The children from low caste are not allowed to go to govt schools there by landlords.
He has not converted anybody from Hinduism to Christianity.
But as he is working there, he knew very closely about events in Orissa.
Why did lower caste people want to get converted to Chirtsinity there?The situation there is completely different from Kerala.
Low caste people are really like slaves for high caste landlords.They are not allowed to go to school.
they are an oppressed division of society.They wanted to change their lives through education.
Thats why they wanted to change their religion from Hinduism to Christianity, to escape from a life of opression under landlords and ignorance.
I do know that there have been errors by some Christians communities where they offered money in exchange of conversion.
But basic problem is the deep rooted caste system that exist in those regions.
And about preaching by Christians, I have my reservations against it.
But last Saturday I attended the ordination of a priest from Equador in Helsinki.
Equador is a country in South America where youth are affected by drugs, violence and gun traficcking.
In his thanking speech, he mentioned that if the preachers didnt preach he would have ended up as a criminal in the streets of Equador.
Also in our Parish, a Muslim woman Haja from Liberia is studying to become a Catholic now.The conversion as an adult to become a Catholic is a long process where you have to learn with a priest for several months.In between the studies, if you feel that it is not the right path for you, you can go back to your old faith.She mentioned that for the first time in her life, she felt so much happiness when she knew about Jesus and started talking with our Parish priest Fr.Paulo.She identifies herself more with the Christian values than with the Muslim beleifs that she grew up in.Nobody forced her to come and meet Fr.Paulo.She just noticed how we as a people behave in the society.
If the speech or preaching changes the life of an individual for good and makes him or her realise path to truth , I would support the speech.
However, as I mentioned before conversion to Chirstianity just for money is a wierd and stupid concept for me.
Luckily, the Catholic church is not supporting that beleif.
Quite a long mail.
Your reply is welcome.
Cheers,
Merie


Wow Merie... After a long time I am reading such a long mail. Thanks a million :)...
One thing I want to tell in advance is this discussion is not against Christianity. Whatever little things I have read in bible I felt is pure and truthful. But its this human phenomenon of preaching that I don't like :(... Its not only there in Christianity, but in all other relegions, though its a bit more common in Christianity.
Among its all other flaw there is one big flaw (or maybe merit) in Hinduism. There is no structure of code or conduct for a Hindu. I would like to quote the famous writer Anand here "Hinduism is a culture not a relegion". Going to temple is not mandatory, praying is not mandatory and the concept called conversion to Hinduism never existed. (I think now Hindu priests have also come up with some conversion methods, I am not so sure about the details). As you rightly pointed out this exactly is one reason why Hindus (mostly oppressed class people) want to convert to Christianity. They live in a community where the relegion does not bind them together. There is no Sunday mass or such gatherings where people are bound together by the solidarity of their relegion. Oppressed class have suffered so much that the solidarity of a relegion is such a welcome change to them. They believe that they will raise their standard of living by this conversion. But the sad fact is even though they convet to Christianity their plight remains the same. You yourself know that ur family will never accept anybody other than a pu.ka.ku. So what did these people gain by conversion? If you check in attapadi and such hill ranges in Kerala, you can find a lot of people who have been converted but gained virtually nothing (except some momentary financial gain)out of the conversion. Their status in society remains the same.
Conversion in its right spirit is always welcome. It should come from inside you rather than from outside forces. Its a matter like changing ur state of living or as in ur case nationality of living :D Madhavi Kutty's conversion to Kamala Surayya I believe is a right example of conversion though many people including her own children were against it.
A true humanist is the one who can inspire self confidence in a fellow being which will in turn help him to live a self dependent life with respect and love for his own self, lifestyle, background, culture and heritage.
I believe what Mr XYZ and Mr ZXY is doing is the right spirit of christianity. They are not concerned about the relegious bkground of the people they serve, but try only to uplift the sad conditions of their life.
But mostly what is happening in most part of India is that oppressed people are helped by christian missionaries and in return they are to convert to christianity. We have a social organization in our office. Initially I have been to some of the old age homes and schools as part of this organization. When I talked with some of the inmates they told me their names have been changed to "Mary", "Anna" etc and nobody calls their real names. Its not a big issue. They are being taken care of properly, given food, sheltered. Change of name or relegion doesn't matter to them any more. But some how I felt sad. I liked the sisters who were running that organization. I liked everyone there. They were kind (real kind not "show off" kind) and loving. But why are they so adament on this conversion part I can never know. I never dared ask them, bcoz I can never afford to shelter all those people and serve then so lovingly. So I guess they have to pay this small price. But somehow I feel that small price in not rightful and it pricks my conscience at times (like the time i drafted that first mail) :(
There is another doubt also. If a person cannot understand and appreciate his own relegion in full sense, how will he be able to understand another relegion?
This is a stupid world. Stupider than me :(... It drills into you a sense of right/wrong and finally puts you in a position to wonder what is right and what is wrong.
Now a days other relegions are also catching up with this process. Hindus and Muslims have also started to gather more desciples to their own relegion using even worser techniques :( What is the purpose of all this is one thing I never can understand :(
I guess its time I found my own "saukaryathinulla" God like Kochu Thresya did :)
Thanks a lot dear for such an exciting conversation. After all conversation is all I do :(

PS: No offesnse meant to any relegions.

My favorite poem by Neruda

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You


I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Endosulfan - How could we do this?

India is still against the ban on the use of endosulphan, which has already spread its venomous hand in many parts of the world, especially Kerala. It is quoted here by the concerned authorities that "Before we can agree to a ban, there has to be proper scientific inquiry. The registration committee under the insecticides act has to review the matter and only if endosulfan proves unsafe, it can make a recommendation." So the final point made is, we will continue the use of this product, despite the adverse results observed in certain areas, ofcourse which is scientificallly not proven. Once the usage continues for another 10-20 years in these areas we might or might not support the ban depending on the condition of the people residing near to the place where the pesticide is put to use even now. Brilliant. We are really a progressive nation.
Please check here to see the sufferings in Kasargode area.
http://www.endosulphanvictims.org/

The (not so)Perfect Seven... Oops Eight...!!!

Our office cubilcles are not actually cubes with four people. Each cubicle here contains seven people, the number that our management thought is appropriate for a cubicle. So we are (were) seven people from SCADA team in our bay. Seven museum pieces, I should say :) Here goes the people in clock wise direction from my seat...


Andy:
He is the Santa Claus of the bay. He comes with candies for everyone, everyday, though the source of candies are actually injurious to his health, to be specific lungs ;) He is a short guy with a wonderful smile. His smile illuminates his whole face with a warm glow that people around him can't help smiling along with him. I love to watch the naughty twinkle in his eyes while he smiles:) No wonder he is a great music composer ;). He is the type of guy who has all elements required for success but refuses to believe it himself. His spontaneous one liners can knock you off ur feet, howmuch ever careful you are :)


Sush:
She is undoubtably the princess of our bay. One factor about her always surprises me.Most of the times I get hooked to peoples' smile. But in her case it is reverse. I got hooked to her frown :). You cannot help smiling when she starts complaining with her beautiful pout - "Raghu... Eenu work aagala, een madli???", - in her ajji style posture with one leg horizontal on the chair and the other one vertical. She belongs to the category "beauty with brains", with a tiny nose ring to add a special effect to her intelligent face. She is a strict vegetarian until it comes to cakes and pastries ;)


Syko:
This guy is the second best person in the world who can get into my nerves without much of an effort; the first being Nived, my sonny :) He can make such stupid comments that sometimes I badly wish to hit him. Since the guy is 6 feet 2 and hefty enough for his height, I am yet to try this wish ;) Despite all this I am a huge fan of this charming young man with a killer smile. His enthusiasm is extremely infectious and the best part is he is always enthusiastic. There is a punch in the group when he is around. Behind the jovial self, he has good amount of determination to achieve his goals. I sincerely wish that he will get into admistrative services. If he can retain his current spirits, our country will defenitely gain from it. Though he is strong headed, I believe he has got his priorities right.


Raghu:
He belongs to the species that is getting almost extinct these days - Perfect Gentleman. Defenitely he belongs to Archer's Perfect Gentleman category. Sometimes he resembles Ayn Rand's Roark. Soft spoken but inflexible. Syko has rightly coined the term "inertly aggresive" for this guy. People say he is silent, but I felt his silence more communicative than all the usual chatter that goes around. Infact he is one of the best persons to work with. The best part is when we are working on a problem, not much explanation is required. Many a times it happened that I start out explaining some issue to him,  he catch it up even before i reach half way through my incoherent explanation and start suggesting solutions. That is one thing I love about this person.


Tool Raja:
Apartment Ravi a.k.a Tool Raja, is one person solely responsible for all the outbursts of laughter that often shake our bay, either with his multi storey apartments' stories or with thumps up effect. But there is a volcano hiding behind his happy face. You can get to know that side of him only if u go out for lunch with him, that too without managers ;) His cricket bat needs special mention. Ravi and his bat forms a dangerous combination. There is one quality in him that I respect most. Many a times I have noticed that men have a really bad ego while working with women. Most of them conciously or unconciously refuse to accept that a woman can be as good or even better than them. But this guy is one person I have seen who doesn't have such an ego. When it comes to work, gender doesnn't matter much to him.


Vicky:
This gentleman is my favourite in the group. He is the only person patient enough to put up with all my nonsense chatter even though he is a no nonsense person. Standing tall at 6 feet 1, with a dark tan and a pair of pretty eyes, he defenitely belong to 'TDH' category :) He is an extreme car/bike freak, and has rubbed off some of his craze on me too. He is good at making stories, especially 200 pages horse stories ;)... If Andy is the music director, this guy is the screen play writer for the movie :) He has a very innocent smile, which surely reenforce the statement "Looks are deceptive" ;) He is a favourite in all police stations, including international ones ;)


Kavita:
Lightning packed in a petite figure. Thats what she is. Officially she doesn't belong to our cubicle. But the seven will not be perfect without her;) When you talk to her, the first thing you will notice is her energy. She is like a cracker on fire. So bright and full of life. I like her transformation from friend to manager. There wont be much visible change, but a slight change in intonation, which compels you to switch your mode from friend to co worker. She is a wonderful orator. She can turn any dull subject into interesting visuals. I really envy the pace of her conversation. Too fast, but crystal clear. The good thing is you don't have to say much to maintain a good and interesting conversation with her :) With a Janet Jackson smile (I dint give this title, someone else did ;)), she defenitely has turned somebody's head, and changed the person for good ;)


And the last one is me, the bographer :)
So that completes the eight museum pieces.
I do miss them a lot :(

Creativity and madness

Van Gogh painted some of his world renowned paintings when he was admitted to a clinic due to mental ill health...
Tolstoy is renowned for his introvert nature...
Dostovesky had frequent seizures which is a form of epilepsy...
I can only think of one word to describe Michael Jackson as a person, and that is weird...
Our own Vaikkom Muhammed Bashir had suffered short spans of schizophrenia during his middle age...

This post is not to conclude anything, but just a curious expression of the coincidences considering 2 of my weird but extremely talented friends :D

Transformation

A beautiful transformation is happening within me. It's slow. But it's there, making its presence felt. The colors of rainbow and the depth of ocean are back. This is the was to tranquility. Finally the conviction has dawned that this is the right path. Dear reader, this is not for you. This is my sudden outburst which has no purpose but lot of meaning :D

Eye Contact...

When I joined the organization, an efficient communication program was mandatory for all new joinees. It was conducted by a strikingly good looking lady. I still remember her words “Most important aspect in communication is to keep eye contact”. I laughed silently thinking how any man can handle her pretty eyes. But on a serious note eyes do seem to have a communication channel of their own. They form a pair of windows to the unsaid things. Everything reflects there.




It has always been pretty difficult for me to keep eye contact with people. There is always a risk of treading into something unpleasant or something too pleasant to be real. There were many occasions when I felt that the context of the talk going on at the occasion, and the language spoken by eyes are entirely different. But it’s always a fun game to watch the hues in people’s eyes, provided they don’t notice me. I have a friend, her laughter is like a ripple of cascading water, so refreshing, and the way the merriment reflects in her eyes while she laughs, it’s like the goddess of laughter has descended in her eyes. All the mischief’s of our mind too, reflects pretty well on those beady little windows.


A new guy has joined our project. There is something interesting about him. His eyes always lingers a moment longer than usual, after every conversation. I have always seen people hastily pulling away their eye contact, even before the conversation is over. But this is the first time; I am meeting a person whose eyes linger longer than conversation. You can argue, that its true only with opposite sex, but considering his age that should be excused ;)


There is an English movie in which a blind guy gains sight for a temporary period of time. The first thing he asks when he comes home to his sister is – “Why are people looking away from me?” May be people are really scared of the conversation with eyes. They don’t want to see the infinite pain behind, or the blinding happiness. They are happy with the blank stares that look everywhere but see nothing, and endless chatters that say a lot but means nothing!!!

Fear

Unheard cries, suppressed tears,
Everything that hides behind a veil
Sometimes they do peek out
To scare you with the unpleasant reality
Then again they go back,
Behind the veil where they belong
Leaving us back to this superfluous world!!!!

Love Laws....

"it really began in the days when the Love Laws were made. The laws that lay down who
should be loved, and how.
And how much."


I love The God of Small Things...

Soccer

The fever is back. 22 pair of feet moving. Thousands of people exploding in the gallery. Millions across the world shouting/dancing/praying/eating glued to television. Its world cup time again. I am no football freak. I can easily define the game as 22 madmen chasing a stupid ball and NOT feel guilty about it. But I do love the game. Yesterday while watching the game between Argentina (of course my all time favorite) and Mexico, I was wondering what glues people to this beautiful game. Well here are some of the points that make me love this game

1. A good football game is pretty fast and keeps us rooted to our seat for 90 minutes like a thrilling movie with an unpredictable climax.
2. There are no stupid breaks (like for each over in cricket), which takes away your attention from the game.
3. It’s an absolute team gain. The coherence of team mates when they advance passing the ball from one to other is simply amazing. They have to know and control the position of the ball, and at the same time know the exact location where the team mate is or will appear at the next second. All this has to happen in split second time.
4. Even though Man of the Match is decided for each game, there is no way that one man show alone can take any team to victory.
5. I love the way they celebrate once a goal is scored (This is common in my liking for all games :))
6. There are not many complications in the rules involved in the game. Don’t touch the ball with hand. Don’t hit/bite/pull/push/hurt opposite team member while wrestling for ball. Simple enough :) (Of course a few more additions for offside/corners/free kicks/penalties etc.)
7. I love the way people in my native (Malappuram – of course a place where football is a sacred religion) holds the international teams as their own. We did get Brazil biriyani when Brazil won in 2002; for them argentina is “mmda kuttikal”. You can see all the flags flying in malappuram soil, once the football season begins. Each and every move of the game is celebrated with a vigor that spreads even to non football fans like a warm smile.
8. Finally it’s never a subtracting factor to view 22 well built men, without even a trace of extra fat, in action [Especially handsome one’s like Casillas, Villa, Forlan, Klose , Totti (Miss u :( ), Ronaldo (Christiano), Figo (He retired :( ), and the list goes on :D :D :D]

I am a little late in publishing this post :). My all time favorite goofed up this time too, that too in a very big way to Germany :(. Never mind, they will definitely catch up next time. Spain has done a splendid job and deserved the cup. But more than Spain’s cup winning streak, I liked Uruguay’s long run to semi final. It’s a pity that everyone can’t win :(

“The fact that my team-mates and a lot of people back home in Uruguay pinned their hopes on me, and I was able to repay that faith out on the pitch while being just another member of the team, makes me feel very happy.” – Forlan’s words after winning the golden ball beautifully summarize the game. You are just another team member, but when you do the right things at the right time, and when that replicates to each team member, the game is taken to that wonderful level which keeps the spectators speech less :)

Bye Bye Baffana… Will meet you next time in your own land of Samba :D