(This was written before my marriage, to be precise on 23rd March 2007... :D )
I don't know why I choose this topic right now. May be because my parents are searching feverishly for a guy for me, or may be because now a days I hear a lot of conversation going on around me about the same. Whenever I hear this topic being discussed I feel a horrible aversion, unfortunately not towards the male gender, but to my own kind. I am not a feminist. But now a days I do believe in the Superiority(You have read it right, its not equality) of Women. I am proud to be woman. But that's not the reason why I believe in their superiority. I feel they have their priorities right. And the most important part is they do agree that they are incomplete without a man. OK, as usual I am deviating from the topic. Lets come back.
Well how did this system of dowry came into existence. May be because women were not the earning members of their family, just to ensure their part in the monitory contribution to family, parents started giving away riches along with their daughter. Or may be to make the Polygamous men to monogamous, some wise old woman invented this system, that they will be given money along with wife, but they can have only one wife ;) Yes that's also a possibility, and a very good one I suppose :) Or at the time of wars when women outnumbered men many times, due to the huge demand for men, this horrible custom started. That's also a good possibility :) But whatever be its cause of origin what I don't understand is why is it still existing?
We can argue its lack of education. But even in a society like Kerala where literacy rate is very high, this system exists. Not exactly in the form of dowry in some communities, but in the form of "gifts". One thing I will never understand is why women including me wont protest against this. Ya, in between the usual gossip talk we will say its very unfair, horrible etc etc... But when it comes down to reality there is nobody to protest. I don't know if it is due to greed (after all they are given really expensive "gifts"), or to show off (my parents gave me this much) or fear(what everyone will say if i am not given gold and rich gifts) or act of duty towards parents (they will feel bad if I don't accept), I have seen only a few women who have the guts to say I am an asset to my husband and there is no need of more. Men most of the times take an impartial stand. If they get dowry very nice, if not still OK. But at least here I cant blame them, because after all one who is suffering should protest, not the one who is enjoying benefits.
At this point I usually think about the act of Sathi and Rajaram Mohan Roy. It took the effort of a man to stop that ruthless practice. Why is it that women never protest against anything? Many of the Women out there will not agree to this statement, but I feel that women tend to accept things as is, even though they feel it is unfair, than take pains to fight back and make a change favourable to them. In other words we have a tendency to choose what is easy than what is right :( . Hmmm (sigh!!!) :(
3 comments:
http://www.dowryfreemarriage.com/
Where do u work? your thought energy is indeed high:)
Dear Madam, I reached your blog, through the Manusmrithi excerpt discussion. As for many years, I thought it to mean the other extreme of it and your version, made me leave the issue as the ambiguity involved was too much, in case of Manus's objectives and Sanskrit. As of now, whichever way you look at it, Manu's words separated out like that from the mainframe, is very weak. But I believe in root cause analysis, based on no blame culture and additionally, I don't really believe in punishment either as used in the taming process of animals or sense of retribution effect given to the plaintiff and the public, never helped to slow down the growth rate and level of crimes: I think! (I am very much worried about present state of the Heaven and Hell concept!) I am sorry, this much was said, just to say that I in no way want to blame Manuji, even if the circumstances at which he wrote it, doesn't justify it. I wanted to write a comment to your page on Manusmrithi, but even though I bought 4 books in that pursuit, alas, I couldn't make it, as the subject in total is very vast and very delicate. Sorry again!
I am 53 and male. I feel that the way dowry is defined and looked upon, it is bad. But if you want to penalise, please penalise only the one who demands it and other one can come up any day and make a case. Blaming both will make the buried one, buried forever. And it is a very illogical way of making law. (The one who gave the dowry may have to prove that, the other one demanded it, I don't think it may be difficult)
Taken as the share in her parents' wealth, I feel it is better you hand it over to her, her husband and or them together, whichever be the common suggestion. Money is nothing compared to the life of human beings but in an economic system it is stored energy, and it is a safety aspect, and converting life into, money is not very easy. And at the time of going to Sasural's place( something even Houdini might have had thought twice before acting it out!) in the present status of the society, it will be a support to the girl.
And in case of a girl from a poor family, the situation needs to be handled extremely carefully.
I feel that in both the cases the government should intervene judiciously and smoothly.
Thank you for writing so many eye-openers and all the very best and smooth sailing!
PS. Blog address says tiny me. It is meant to represent you?
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