Love!

Yesterday, I went for a night drive with 3 other friends. Interestingly, the topic turned to love. One of them asked to define love. I told without thinking that "it's just an energy flow between two people". And I was surprised that I stumbled upon an almost accurate answer for love. When you love someone your whole being is energised by that persons presence. Even thoughts about him/her can energise you to do things that otherwise seems uninteresting. But the funny part is we fall in love with a beautiful image of the other person that we created. The image that is flawless. And if by any chance we get married to that person, the flawless image that we created slowly disintegrates. Slowly reality creeps in. And you see the other a little less, love them a little less. Here is where a good friendship helps. Even though you see the other person stripped of all his/her glory, your relationship can stay because of the strong bond of friendship that is already formed. The friendship can take the marriage forward. If friendship is not formed and the love bubble breaks, the relationship either breaks or continues with resentments. Just my theory on marriage. But marriages can come in every different colours. What works for one may not work for another. And I do honestly think marriage should be kept away from love!

Coming back to love, what actually is love? It depends on people I think. 10 years back I would have defined love differently. But now to me love is kindness. I feel loved when people are kind to me. And I feel in love when I am kind to them. This might be a wrong definition. But it suits me. For now! Another couple of years and I will change it... 

Grief!

I witnessed grief this week. Raw and unstoppable grief of parents after losing their child. It is the most painful experience any human soul can go through. 

It happened in our apartment complex. A boy fell from the heights of our apartment building and lost his life. I had the misfortune to visit them at hospital. I am not good at consoling people. Nor can I cry with people. But I sat there holding the mothers hand, watching two people breaking down to pieces. They sat there not knowing what to do. Dad with his head in his hands with a dejected look and mom crying out inconsolably. We all sat there helplessly watching. No words crossed my mind. I knew nothing can comfort them. I knew they are scarred for life. I knew they can never be the same again. And I just sat there and watched. 

The grief, it filled that hospital corridor and spilled across to everyone out there. I accompanied the parents to see the boy one last time. I don't want to write about it. It's GRIEF, in big bold capital letters. I had to write at least this much. I had to flush it out of my system. I was shaken. I am alright now. Soon it will be a distant memory for me. But what about them. How will they survive? I do not know. Sometimes I do think I know a bit about life, after living so many years. Then I witness something like this and realise I know nothing about anything. 

Grief... I wish that word can be erased from dictionary. None of my philosophies could explain it. My sense of justice is completely shattered. When you see such deep grief, all you can do is bow to it and hold the person suffering closer to you, because no words or actions help. 

I am not so much of a believer. But all I can say is may god help them and give them the strength to go through it.

Grief... is a miserable word!

Therapy!

We give big lectures to everyone on their health. And when someone is down with ill health we suggest good doctors and hospitals in plenty (both allopathic and alternative medicines) But when it comes to mental health, there is still a gap. People just suggest you to get busy and leave it there. Not many would ask you to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist. We are OK with going to doctors for just a fever or headache. But we are NOT OK to take consultation for mental ailments. 

I have been into something like depression, 4 times in my life . The symptoms were always same. Loss of hunger, weight loss, a constant heavy feeling in my heart, a numbness that is unexplainable, even mundane tasks need enormous energy- Over all I felt like there is nothing to look forward to. First time it occurred, I was a teenager and it was a stupid love failure that triggered my depression. The sad part was at that point in life, I did not have anyone to confess to, except maybe my close friends who were as stupid as me. Of course I survived that period because of my friends. But what I lacked was a mentor figure who could objectively tell me that it's ok to go through such stupidity in life, and I can spring back to normal once the pain recedes. Therapist was an unknown word at that point. I feel the remnants of the insecurities created by my own stupid interpretation of the situation still stay with me, at least subconsciously. It took me a lot of time to regain the lost confidence.

Second time it happened I was a working woman. 23 years and still stupid, still carrying the insecurities from previous incidents. It happened due to  a series of stupidities, main being my urgency to get married. My mother was constantly eating my head stating I have passed the marriage age (at 23!) and I was feeling like a worthless commodity in the marriage market. All my friends were in the process of getting engaged or married. I felt worthless for not finding a partner for myself. Plus all the insecurities kicked in. I am not good looking, not good enough, not smart, do not possess any graceful skills like dance or music. In short my confidence levels were dangerously low. All these triggered some unhappy events which even now I don't wish to talk about, and the result is a second depression cycle. Again the same symptoms - no sleep, no hunger, feeling of worthlessness, plus the added element of morality breach. I carried the unnecessary guilt of doing something wrong. I do feel sorry for my poor self now, but, well the design of my life at that point in time made me walk through such unpleasant pathways. 

There were two main problems with these depression cycles. They stemmed from relationship issues and second, they were never addressed correctly. I did not have the wisdom to realise the issue lies within me, nor did I have a guiding person to make me recognise the underlying issues. I got married, before the second depression cycle was completely cured, carrying the whole weight of incompleteness and worthlessness within me. There were several layers of understanding issues with my husband which was never addressed. It did have a huge negative impact on our marriage. 

The third and the most severe one happened after child birth. Trigger could have been multiple things. But I do remember a comment from a nurse after my son was born. "Oh, this is that invalid boy who did not cry after birth". It was true. My son did not cry immediately after birth. He had some breathing issues and they put him in breath support and he cried only after some time. Fear crept inside like a cruel predator and there started the worst depression cycle of my life. I completely missed the happiness of his baby days. I was constantly worried that something is wrong with him. His milestones were not at par with other kids. I couldn't love him. I was in a zombie world. No body realised what's going on within me. I hated my husband, his family, my family, my friends... in short the whole little world I knew of till then was suddenly alien to me. At that point of time I did have a bit of an idea about post partum depression. I tried to suggest to my husband that I need medical help. But him being the conservative self he was at that point in time refused to acknowledge the issues. I carried that depression for more than 1.5 years. Then a miracle happened. A friend appeared who rescued me from the depression cycle. He was not even aware that I was under one. But he was kind, inclusive and encouraging. He gave me something that I lacked for a very long time. Hope! Honestly that was the first depression cycle that I believe I came out of with a complete cure. Once I regained my carefree self, love flowed freely towards my son and that helped me to get cured completely.

So many things happened after that. I evolved as a person. My views about life changed. Plenty of amazing events happened. I gained a friend who valued me so much that I started valuing myself. A series of unpleasant events also followed. I had to seek out a counsellor at some point. Found one in a google search and visited her. She was so pathetic that she ignored all the problem statements that I put forward to her and prescribed me "patriarchy". Luckily I had enough self love left, to realise the trap she laid for me. Honestly that woman did break my trust in counsellors. Because it is very easy to exploit and manipulate people when they are vulnerable. I believe a good therapist will ensure that he/she won't manipulate the already tired mind of a patient seeking help.

After the failed counselling episode and some more inevitable events, the fourth depression was an expected one. Expecting it and being ready for it did not make the pain any lesser. But I was determined to seek help one more time. This time I sought help from a counsellor suggested by a friend. She was amazing. She was a very good listener and always asked "to the point" questions.

She helped me identify myself. I thought my problems were centred around the recent incidents. But when the counselling progressed, she made me realise the root cause. The childhood experiences, failed expectations, what did I relate happiness to... And she was not telling me what is what. But just probing me with questions that I never dared to ask myself. And the answers unfolded before me effortlessly. It was a beautiful experience. I wouldn't say I became a happy person after that. But I was at peace with myself. I could watch all my pain, anger, frustration, resentment, jealousy in a detached manner.

I did not continue the exercise. I left the counselling after about 8 sessions when I felt I have achieved the objective. That was another thing I liked. There was an objective to be achieved. An objective that we both were working towards. Only thing I did not like about in the whole therapy session was the money I paid for it! It really was expensive. I hope help for mental ailments will become less expensive in future.

I want to narrate this therapy experience now because I don't want people to shy away from therapy. I hope this helps someone who is out there, who got tangled within their own thought spirals that drain their energy and drown them. Seek help. And seek it from the right hands. There is no shame in it. Everything will be fine!

Farming - (Day Three)

A topic that I don't know anything about. Yes, my grandfather was a farmer. But unfortunately he decided to die when I was in the womb. And none of his kids followed his foot steps. My mom's dad was a tax officer with the British government. So on both sides I did not get an opportunity to see or know anything about farming. On top of that we grew up in cities. So we never had neighbors who did farming.

But somehow I have this deep rooted feeling that farming is a solid thing. Like something that can refine you and make you grounded. It teaches you the cycles of life, and make you humble. Of course these are mere beliefs because I never had any real interaction with farmers except for one of my uncles. He is a real inspiration with solid six pack body and strong principles.

I always wonder about the stupidities of the priorities of human beings. If you consider the money ladder, the highest money making ones will probably be the entertainment industries. Movies, Games, Social Networking etc. And the essential ones like farming comes at the lowest level in the ladder. I do not know the reason for this phenomenon. But it might be the predictable outcome of the factor that humans are moving away from nature day by day.

In facebook I have found a farmers collective who share good amount of information on farming.
https://www.facebook.com/farmerscollective/?pnref=lhc

Suresh, one of the members of this group (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100006871121523) always share informative posts on farming and I felt they are a socially responsible group. So yesterday I did a tiny little thing. I messaged Suresh in fb. Asked him if he could involve kids also in farming during the summer vacation time. Something like a summer camp for the kids. It will be awesome if kids get an opportunity to be close to nature, even if that is for some weeks. He told he will seriously consider the idea. It made me a happy person for the day :)...Hope they can start an initiative with kids and hope more and more city kids get a flavor of farming. And most importantly I hope our next generation give due importance to farming! I am hoping Nived gets an opportunity to be part of it if they start an initiative, if not for this year may be in one of the coming years. It gives me hope!

Delhi Girl...

It has been a year now. As public forgets fast, its not a hot topic anymore. Delhi gang rape case. Last year this time we saw lot of protests, anger, frustration, cynic comments, social networking involvement, talk shows...the list goes on. The incident was tragic, and I am sure no woman can explain the horror they feel while reading about such cruelty. But there are many things that I did not understand. Sexual assault against women is not something new in India. We read it almost on a daily basis and dismiss it as something happening in a different planet. But in this case the picture was completely different. Whole nation had gone under protest. Especially youth. Of course for a brief moment. Now I guess it’s forgotten. And all the rapes and molestation still continue as though nothing has happened. Is it the brutality of the case that gained it widespread support? Or is it the involvement of social networking sites that changed the picture? I don't know.

Just out of curiosity, I checked the previous "infamous" rape cases in India. Found some cases from Wiki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_in_India
But couldn't remember any of these.

The recent case that got international attention is the Goa case where a Russian teenager (Scarlett Keeling) was raped and murdered. Surprisingly the media acted a little different there. The media painted her sort of a scarlet woman who deserved what she got, and they accused her mother for raising her daughter so badly. I found the cheapness of media funny.

Coming back to the current case, here is a girl from a normal family brought up with Indian values and she got brutally killed by no fault of hers. So I guess the funda of "she deserves it" doesn't stand here. But then why was she killed? The protesters demanded death sentence or castration and Indian Judicial system  also passed a death sentence on all 4 of the convicts (one being already dead in jail).

But then after all these protest's several rapes and killings happened in many places in India. Most horrible of the ones I recently read was the brutal rape of a 3 year old that happened in Kerala. If criminals did care about public protest or death sentence or castration, I don't think these would have happened. So are they effective medicine to prevent rape? Honest answer is I don't know. Because I don’t understand rape. Again went back to wiki for psychological reasons of rape. Here is what I found

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociobiological_theories_of_rape. 

An excerpt from there states
Thornhill and Palmer write that
"In short, a man can have many children, with little inconvenience to himself; a woman can have only a few, and with great effort." Females therefore tend to be choosier with partners. Rape is seen as one potential strategy for males for achieving reproductive success. They point to several other factors indicating that rape may be a reproductive strategy. It is during the potentially childbearing years that women most often are rape victims. Rapists usually do not use more force than necessary to subdue their victims which is argued to be the case since physically injuring the victims would reduce the chance of reproduction.

But the funny part is it doesn't match anywhere in the current picture. The delhi girl was raped, tortured and as a result got killed. To assume that 3 year old girl was anywhere near “potential child bearing years” – Well no comments.

So what’s happening? Why do some of us turn to pathetic maniacs? I have been discussing this topic with one of my male friend. He told all men at some point or other see women in a sexual angle even though they don’t admit it at any point.
There I got a catch. “Even though they don’t admit it any point”. Why do we shun the sexuality within us? Why is it considered sin when it is a simple natural act? May be the answer to all these violence lies there. Our refusal to acknowledge sexuality as something natural. Our urge to brand it as sin. It’s like refusing food to people, branding eating as sin. Of course there is a difference between people who fast and people who are forced to fast. I think same way there is a difference between people who opt celibacy and people who are forced to celibacy due to “Morality”. It could be a stupid speculation. But somehow I am convinced when we dig in deep to find the deterioration in the current society in terms of how we treat women, this reason will pop up in many places, in many forms. I am not suggesting sexual anarchy as a solution. But we humans have moved away from natures law. It's high time we found our way back.

I can only speculate the reasons and be cautious of my own safety. The real solution should come from men. They are the only species who can decipher the real reason behind rape and if possible rectify it.

Delhi girl... I wish you died for a reason. I wish your death brought in lots of favorable changes towards how woman are viewed in our country. I do wish all that... But...! 

Sexuality and a Verdict!

I thought I belong to one of the "ignorants" when it comes to the topic of sexuality. But after the high court verdict I felt a little better ;)... No offense to court here. But the verdict did trigger a lot of thought process. The explanation to the verdict was the usual one when it comes to sex in India. "Indian Culture". I do respect our culture. Not due to my moral consciousness (my what?!!!), but just out of common sense. The family structure that our fore fathers structured and passed on to us is a perfect setting for a society to flourish. Just like the healthy food habits and routines they tried to pass on to us. They did have a good understanding of healthy sexuality. No one can argue the fact that having a steady partner saves a lot of trouble. No worries on "who is next", or on the disease part and of course there is the discipline with in, that energize your life as a whole. There is the part of safe and happy kids too. On the whole picture everyone is happy. But there is one major flaw. The rigidity we attached to it. Like the "Meluhans" in Immortals, we were or still are too rigid on the topic. So naturally the next question will be "Where is the Creativity"? The individuality that marks every human being? - The absolute answer is "Missing" :) We are exactly in a stage as explained in the verdict. A guy and girl shut up in a room and do the "so so" things, voila married and doomed to spend a lifetime together :). Bottom line is no experiments allowed when it comes to this topic ...

 But court can't be blamed. Its our current situation that made court reach the verdict. Not much security for women. Even now single mom's struggle unless they belong to the "super rich" category. And mostly girls grow up without knowing the reality of life, and easily fall prey to any sweetly worded traps laid for them. But then this is our dear India. So this verdict, rather than helping the suffering females will end up as traps to honest gentlemen or ignorant girls out there. Its a sad plight.

Coming back to the real topic, when will we earn the courage to explore sexuality, or even accept it as it is - a basic need of the body at its worst, and a bliss of love at its best. I am not a veteran in the topic. I grew up in a conservative family and still belongs to a conservative family. But I do respect sex, consider it equivalent to any other art form, the only difference being - here the expression and sharing of individuality is limited with in the two people who share it.  And I cant accept the sad plight of our society as an agreeable  logic to equate sexuality and marriage. It only shows me one thing. Our in securities and inability to live independent (its always not acceptable if somebody wants to live alone and explore different things than what the masses do, especially if it is a woman), has driven us insane.

I wish for a society where a woman can raise her kids proudly without much in securities and without the help of a partner if that is the situation. It would be nice if the dads stay around. But if not, let them go. Why go behind them just because they left behind a tiny sperm with in us? If God knows the creation part he knows the sustenance part too. If he thought men are an essential element in raising a kid, he would have devised a better mechanism for them to stay back than the fatal attraction for the opposite gender. No offense to all the wonderful dads out there. Mostly dads are the ones who travel that extra mile to keep the kids happy and safe. But the point here is fatherhood is something not to be forced, but to be accepted gracefully.

Who cares for my wishes anyways... Girls, don't miss the opportunity. It's the perfect chance for the "perfect" partner, provided you can seduce him for one day ;) Don't miss it!!!

Kashmir...

During the time of partition Kashmir was ruled by  Maharaja Hari Singh. Like many other kings during his time he wanted to retain the rule of Kashmir, by refusing to join India or Pakisthan. Jinnah, expected Kasmir to join Pakistan, as more than 75% of the residents were Muslims. Once Jinnah started suspecting foul play by Hari Singh, he tried to conquer Kashmir using Pathans. Pathans attacked kashmir on 22nd Oct 1947. Since the Pathans were more interested in looting than conquering the capital city Srinagar, Indian govt got ample time to plan and defend Kashmir. Fear of Kashmir falling to Pathan's attack plus the tactics of VP Menon made Hari Singh to sign the treaty to join Indian Dominion. So Kashmir became a part of India, because Hari Singh wished it to be, neglicting the wish of his country men. Courtsey for this information - Freedom at Midnight (Larry Collins and Dominic Lapier)


Since then Kashmir has withessed hell a lot of wars. It is a place which has never known peace. A beautiful hell. That's what Kashmir is right now. As usual, now also Kashmir is in news for all wanted and unwanted reasons. We are ready to file petitions against people who say Kashmir has never been an integral part of India. Are we not getting too emotional on the subject? Of course for a South Indian like me, Kashmir is a beautiful heaven which belongs to my nation and I am proud of it. And that's just what it is. A heaven which doesn't affect me much. The problem has a direct impact only on the residents. And they are not so proud of the fact that they belong to a diverse nation called India. No one can blame them for getting tired of all this war life, that too for a span of over 60 years. So what is the soultion? Is it "Azadi" as Kashmiri's youth demands (see here). But Kasmir is also facing the problem of youth bulge. According to that article in Hindu, 64% of the population of Kashmir falls under the age group of 18-30. That is a very dangerous age group. Immensely strong willed and with great visions, but without the experience for the journey to achieve that vision. Even if Kashmir is granted freedom, how long can they survive independent, with two powerful and "loving" neighbours like India and Pakisthan. Do these people who demand independence have a clear vision of the huge responsibilities that will be entrusted on their shoulders once they gain freedom?

Its really a complicated situation. Even if India grants freedom, Kashmir will not be able to bear the heat of the gained freedom. I don't think there will be an immediate solution to the political situation there. Neither India nor Pakisthan will budge from their stand. But is there a way to restore normal life to citizens of Kashmir, pulling the military attacks and all such stuff to background? Tough call... But I feel it might not be impossible. I am not a Chanakya to suggest effective means of solving this problem. But self employment and self sustainance is something that can be promoted.

It's high time, India shed the emotional attachment that we always upholds in the issue. We should start thinking in a practical way, and that too one which will be beneficial to the citizens too. But I strongly suspect if anyone will care for the inhabitants, when the place at stake is the beautiful Kashmir :(

An interesting mail conversation :)

A mail conversation which happened some time back... Sorry merie darling, for not asking ur consent...:)

Hi friends,
After reading Kite Runner the second time, I got inspired to know more about the real happenings in Afganisthan :) On the first read I went through the main story only. But the second time (that is this time) the incidents hit me more than the central thread of the story. So I did a bit of googling on Hazaras in Wiki :)
Today I had a conversation with ullikka about Hazaras. He gave me this web page to look intohttp://www.hazaranet.com/who.html
Interestingly I navigated from this page to this one belowhttp://www.hazaranet.com/why.html
Is it not a bit sad that some people from Christianity, use helpless victims to increase the number of Christian desciples. Exploitation of adverse situations by relegious instuitutions is ridiculous.I don't mind anyone's relegion as long as he/she doesn't preach his/her belief on me. I have seen this kind of frenzy to preach on one of my cousin who is an ardent "Sai Baba" desciple. I have nothing against Baba. Maybe he is a great man, reincarnation of Krisha himself as they say (I have never been to see Baba nor experienced him, so I can't praise or criticize), but what if all I need is a Krishna idol rather than the reincarnation of Krishna. Why do people have this tendency to pull others also to their own chosen path? Is it because of the fear of being alone if the chosen path is wrong??? Or is it the good will to show the good path to the next person as well??? I hate preachings and that web page left me sad :(
If you people are busy don't even think of replying. I am idle so my mind has turned into a pretty dirty workshop :) But ajeesh as u r bedridden ur thoughts are welcome:-)
Merie, no offence against your relegion, I like Christianity in its true sense and more than that I like Christ as a God I can relate to more than Krishna or Vishnu. But these kind of attempts from so called Christians is pathetic :(
Soumya

Hey Soumya,
I was very busy this weekend.However, I had marked this email specially for reminding me to reply.
I dont know personally about which is the association behind.
As you might know there are several divisions of Christianity.
I belong to Catholic church, which nowadays as a principle does not believe in these kind of activities.
We beleive more on actions.The bible also mentions that as a Christian our actions should speak for ourselves.
I can quote the example of two people I know personally who is working for poor and underprivileged and never converted anybody.
I am replying just to you, becos both of them does not want to get publicity for this kind of work.
First is Mr XYZ.He is working in Vincent de Paul society(which is an organization part of our church) which helpes poor people, familiés(basically they adopt very poor families providing them everything that they need...) and students whether they are Hindus,Muslims or Christians.He is working in that area in his part time for the last 35 years.he has never preached or forced anybody to convert to Christianity.(The organization conducts several awareness sessions for poor women about slef help groups, nutrition for food,breast feeding etc etc )
Second is Mr ZXY, a priest working in Bihar(and nowadays Jharkhand) to provide lower caste people with education.
He has been working in India for past 43 years(knows Hindi,Bihari and English) trying to uplift conditions for poor by educating young children.The children from low caste are not allowed to go to govt schools there by landlords.
He has not converted anybody from Hinduism to Christianity.
But as he is working there, he knew very closely about events in Orissa.
Why did lower caste people want to get converted to Chirtsinity there?The situation there is completely different from Kerala.
Low caste people are really like slaves for high caste landlords.They are not allowed to go to school.
they are an oppressed division of society.They wanted to change their lives through education.
Thats why they wanted to change their religion from Hinduism to Christianity, to escape from a life of opression under landlords and ignorance.
I do know that there have been errors by some Christians communities where they offered money in exchange of conversion.
But basic problem is the deep rooted caste system that exist in those regions.
And about preaching by Christians, I have my reservations against it.
But last Saturday I attended the ordination of a priest from Equador in Helsinki.
Equador is a country in South America where youth are affected by drugs, violence and gun traficcking.
In his thanking speech, he mentioned that if the preachers didnt preach he would have ended up as a criminal in the streets of Equador.
Also in our Parish, a Muslim woman Haja from Liberia is studying to become a Catholic now.The conversion as an adult to become a Catholic is a long process where you have to learn with a priest for several months.In between the studies, if you feel that it is not the right path for you, you can go back to your old faith.She mentioned that for the first time in her life, she felt so much happiness when she knew about Jesus and started talking with our Parish priest Fr.Paulo.She identifies herself more with the Christian values than with the Muslim beleifs that she grew up in.Nobody forced her to come and meet Fr.Paulo.She just noticed how we as a people behave in the society.
If the speech or preaching changes the life of an individual for good and makes him or her realise path to truth , I would support the speech.
However, as I mentioned before conversion to Chirstianity just for money is a wierd and stupid concept for me.
Luckily, the Catholic church is not supporting that beleif.
Quite a long mail.
Your reply is welcome.
Cheers,
Merie


Wow Merie... After a long time I am reading such a long mail. Thanks a million :)...
One thing I want to tell in advance is this discussion is not against Christianity. Whatever little things I have read in bible I felt is pure and truthful. But its this human phenomenon of preaching that I don't like :(... Its not only there in Christianity, but in all other relegions, though its a bit more common in Christianity.
Among its all other flaw there is one big flaw (or maybe merit) in Hinduism. There is no structure of code or conduct for a Hindu. I would like to quote the famous writer Anand here "Hinduism is a culture not a relegion". Going to temple is not mandatory, praying is not mandatory and the concept called conversion to Hinduism never existed. (I think now Hindu priests have also come up with some conversion methods, I am not so sure about the details). As you rightly pointed out this exactly is one reason why Hindus (mostly oppressed class people) want to convert to Christianity. They live in a community where the relegion does not bind them together. There is no Sunday mass or such gatherings where people are bound together by the solidarity of their relegion. Oppressed class have suffered so much that the solidarity of a relegion is such a welcome change to them. They believe that they will raise their standard of living by this conversion. But the sad fact is even though they convet to Christianity their plight remains the same. You yourself know that ur family will never accept anybody other than a pu.ka.ku. So what did these people gain by conversion? If you check in attapadi and such hill ranges in Kerala, you can find a lot of people who have been converted but gained virtually nothing (except some momentary financial gain)out of the conversion. Their status in society remains the same.
Conversion in its right spirit is always welcome. It should come from inside you rather than from outside forces. Its a matter like changing ur state of living or as in ur case nationality of living :D Madhavi Kutty's conversion to Kamala Surayya I believe is a right example of conversion though many people including her own children were against it.
A true humanist is the one who can inspire self confidence in a fellow being which will in turn help him to live a self dependent life with respect and love for his own self, lifestyle, background, culture and heritage.
I believe what Mr XYZ and Mr ZXY is doing is the right spirit of christianity. They are not concerned about the relegious bkground of the people they serve, but try only to uplift the sad conditions of their life.
But mostly what is happening in most part of India is that oppressed people are helped by christian missionaries and in return they are to convert to christianity. We have a social organization in our office. Initially I have been to some of the old age homes and schools as part of this organization. When I talked with some of the inmates they told me their names have been changed to "Mary", "Anna" etc and nobody calls their real names. Its not a big issue. They are being taken care of properly, given food, sheltered. Change of name or relegion doesn't matter to them any more. But some how I felt sad. I liked the sisters who were running that organization. I liked everyone there. They were kind (real kind not "show off" kind) and loving. But why are they so adament on this conversion part I can never know. I never dared ask them, bcoz I can never afford to shelter all those people and serve then so lovingly. So I guess they have to pay this small price. But somehow I feel that small price in not rightful and it pricks my conscience at times (like the time i drafted that first mail) :(
There is another doubt also. If a person cannot understand and appreciate his own relegion in full sense, how will he be able to understand another relegion?
This is a stupid world. Stupider than me :(... It drills into you a sense of right/wrong and finally puts you in a position to wonder what is right and what is wrong.
Now a days other relegions are also catching up with this process. Hindus and Muslims have also started to gather more desciples to their own relegion using even worser techniques :( What is the purpose of all this is one thing I never can understand :(
I guess its time I found my own "saukaryathinulla" God like Kochu Thresya did :)
Thanks a lot dear for such an exciting conversation. After all conversation is all I do :(

PS: No offesnse meant to any relegions.

Endosulfan - How could we do this?

India is still against the ban on the use of endosulphan, which has already spread its venomous hand in many parts of the world, especially Kerala. It is quoted here by the concerned authorities that "Before we can agree to a ban, there has to be proper scientific inquiry. The registration committee under the insecticides act has to review the matter and only if endosulfan proves unsafe, it can make a recommendation." So the final point made is, we will continue the use of this product, despite the adverse results observed in certain areas, ofcourse which is scientificallly not proven. Once the usage continues for another 10-20 years in these areas we might or might not support the ban depending on the condition of the people residing near to the place where the pesticide is put to use even now. Brilliant. We are really a progressive nation.
Please check here to see the sufferings in Kasargode area.
http://www.endosulphanvictims.org/

Creativity and madness

Van Gogh painted some of his world renowned paintings when he was admitted to a clinic due to mental ill health...
Tolstoy is renowned for his introvert nature...
Dostovesky had frequent seizures which is a form of epilepsy...
I can only think of one word to describe Michael Jackson as a person, and that is weird...
Our own Vaikkom Muhammed Bashir had suffered short spans of schizophrenia during his middle age...

This post is not to conclude anything, but just a curious expression of the coincidences considering 2 of my weird but extremely talented friends :D

Dowry

(This was written before my marriage, to be precise on 23rd March 2007... :D )

I don't know why I choose this topic right now. May be because my parents are searching feverishly for a guy for me, or may be because now a days I hear a lot of conversation going on around me about the same. Whenever I hear this topic being discussed I feel a horrible aversion, unfortunately not towards the male gender, but to my own kind. I am not a feminist. But now a days I do believe in the Superiority(You have read it right, its not equality) of Women. I am proud to be woman. But that's not the reason why I believe in their superiority. I feel they have their priorities right. And the most important part is they do agree that they are incomplete without a man. OK, as usual I am deviating from the topic. Lets come back.

Well how did this system of dowry came into existence. May be because women were not the earning members of their family, just to ensure their part in the monitory contribution to family, parents started giving away riches along with their daughter. Or may be to make the Polygamous men to monogamous, some wise old woman invented this system, that they will be given money along with wife, but they can have only one wife ;) Yes that's also a possibility, and a very good one I suppose :) Or at the time of wars when women outnumbered men many times, due to the huge demand for men, this horrible custom started. That's also a good possibility :) But whatever be its cause of origin what I don't understand is why is it still existing?

We can argue its lack of education. But even in a society like Kerala where literacy rate is very high, this system exists. Not exactly in the form of dowry in some communities, but in the form of "gifts". One thing I will never understand is why women including me wont protest against this. Ya, in between the usual gossip talk we will say its very unfair, horrible etc etc... But when it comes down to reality there is nobody to protest. I don't know if it is due to greed (after all they are given really expensive "gifts"), or to show off (my parents gave me this much) or fear(what everyone will say if i am not given gold and rich gifts) or act of duty towards parents (they will feel bad if I don't accept), I have seen only a few women who have the guts to say I am an asset to my husband and there is no need of more. Men most of the times take an impartial stand. If they get dowry very nice, if not still OK. But at least here I cant blame them, because after all one who is suffering should protest, not the one who is enjoying benefits.

At this point I usually think about the act of Sathi and Rajaram Mohan Roy. It took the effort of a man to stop that ruthless practice. Why is it that women never protest against anything? Many of the Women out there will not agree to this statement, but I feel that women tend to accept things as is, even though they feel it is unfair, than take pains to fight back and make a change favourable to them. In other words we have a tendency to choose what is easy than what is right :( . Hmmm (sigh!!!) :(

"Na sthree swathanthram arhati" - Woman does not deserve freedom

"Pitah Rakshathi Koumare

Pati Rakshathi Youvanne

Puthro Rakshathi Vardaykye

Na sthree swathanthram arhati"

Much debated wisdom from respected Acharya Manu. In seventh or eighth standard we had one whole chapter in Malayalam pointing out the meaninglessness in this line and illustrating how woman lost their freedom. In my teenage (why does it seem like such a long time ago, it was only 8 years ago :( ), we used to have heated discussions about the unfairness of his statement and abuse dump Manu for making such stupid proclamations.

But now, if you ask me about the truth in these lines, I will wholeheartedly agree with Manu. It is like the saying "Moothavar vakkum muthunellikkem aadyam kaykkum pinne mathurikkum". Most of the time only the last line is quoted and debated. From an individualistic point of view maybe it is unfair. But as a society, these wise words from Manu has huge impact. Actually the mathematics of Manu's calculation is fairly simple if you are ready to view it in a non emotional, society oriented way. For each society, survival is one of the most important (rather THE important) factor. For survival, always a better generation than preceding one is desired. Mothers influence over the baby is far far greater than that of a father. I am not underestimating the role and responsibility of a father in bringing up a baby. But it is not even remotely comparable with a mom. So what Manu wisely points out is, if women are taken care properly, if they are devoid of any worries, you are promised a healthy and intelligent new generation, who are wise enough to survive in harmony with the nature. That is why women should be taken care of properly, by father, husband and son.

Now about freedom, freedom can be extremely dangerous, if not handled properly. Freedom (exposure to world), can introduce unnecessary worries too. As a mom I can tell you this, I was far more stressed during my pregnancy than my cousin, who is a house wife. Each negative impact on a woman's body or mind can get directly translated to the next generation. With freedom the risk of these negative impacts gets multiplied hundred fold. So why risk the next generation :D

Well that's my interpretation of Manu's words. There will be much more depth in his words than can be conceived by my stupid mind. But I do believe him.

But in our current society, I don't know if his words has any relevance. Currently we are a bunch of individuals living in a society, who are not bothered about nature or next generation. What matters today is "I" rather than us. Well may be that's another beautifully knit plan our of mother nature. In "God of Small Things" (Arundhathi Roy), Uncle Chako explains to Rahel and Esthappan, that if mother earth is a 45 yer old lady, human beings are just 2 seconds old. May be we are the self destructive tool that nature has invented to recycle herself slowly. Using our "ego" we are destructing the nature in all possible ways. But my gut feeling is that this is precisely what she (mother nature) has intended us to do. That is why she planted this stupid intelligence in us. May be we are not the "superior species" as we boast we are, but just a Dispose() call by nature on herself :D

PS: This post started as a reply to this one. As it got longer I put it as a post :D

Gandhiji and some random thoughts

Today we had a discussion in our cubicle about Gandhiji, father of our nation. There is this "chulbuli" girl in our project who talks non stop about anything and everything. I don't remember how the topic turned to Gandhi, but suddenly she is abusing Gandhi for using Manu and Abha as his support sticks than using two guys in their place. She does not know their (Manu and Abhas) names, has not read any genuine article about Gandhi, still she is abusing Gandhi for his weakness for women. There is one more accusation, that Gandhiji was the reason for Bhagat Singhs death. If Gandhi had asked (begged) British people, they would have released Bhagat Singh. I guess her source of information is this. It pained me deeply. The fact that pained me more is not that she abused Gandhi, but she has very little knowledge about our freedom struggle and that too is maimed.
We Indians are generally biased about any kind of relationship between a man and a woman unless it is an authorized one ( like father - daughter, mother-son, brother-sister, husband -wife). We feel suspicious about any relationships which resides outside this boundry. It is pathetic and rididulous. During college days I had the same feeling as this girl in our project had. I couldn't accept the fact that there will be pure and platonic relationships which resides outside the society set boundaries. One important reason for this firm belief is my mom, who despised anything and everything about a guy-gal relationship. But after coming to bangalore and specially after marriage I have changed a lot. I have realized the truth in the proverb- "If you have jaundice you see everything in yellow" :-)
Coming back to Gandhiji, what right do we (our generation who has never faced a single hardship, other than few heart breaking love pangs ;)) have to abuse a man who is the epitome of all virtues. He could have saved Baghat Singh or not, is something I don't want to comment on because I don't know the facts. But one thing is for sure, had Gandhiji succeeded in saving Bhagat Singh from gallows, he (Bhagat Singh) would have lost his place from our history text books :). I din't try to change her views. There are certain things in life which we have to learn ourselves. But for the first time in my life, I felt ashamed that I am an Indian. Whats the use of being the citizen of a country, which is producing a bunch of robots, who know how to "enjoy" life but doesn't bother to know the price paid for their "enjoyment".
"Mokke Gandhi.." Thats what she called him. Well ofcourse he is stupid, otherwise he would not have cherished such wonderful dreams about this stupid country :)

Natural or UnNatural

There are many things in life which are quiet natural, but considered highly unnatural or disgusting. Best example is a three letter word. But I don't want to discuss it now as it is so much over hyped now a days. Let me stick to simple things :-)
When you are sleepy its natural that you yawn. But you are supposed to say sorry for that. When you are full with food you burp. But again you have to say sorry. The same applies to the other 'embaressing' sounds (;)) produced by our body. There are things which are highly unnatural, like a smile plastered on a nervous face, or the sound of high heeled footsteps or the stupid piercings on different parts of the body. But these doesn't require a tag of 'sorry' along with it. I don't know why we have to apologize for things which we are born with and not for the ones we added on later.

Walking Dustbins

This post is inspired by this article. After reading this post i remembered a forward which visited my inbox many times
Beware of Garbage Trucks
How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important. David J. Pollay explains his story in this way…. Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean…he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did." I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore." Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Never let the garbage truck run over you.

I dont know if this article is copyrighted. Also dont know the origin of this article to quote the author here.
But whatever is written in it is pretty true. People have the tendency to dump their waste on somebody else. Its really surprising and depressing to see the tone of emails received by Inji in the above mentioned link. There is a general conviction that educated people are well behaved. Are they really? I have seen a guy in our flat abusing the security man almost everyday. This guy is working in some MNC. He belongs to the educated class. But his behaviour doesn't belong there. People say noble behaviour comes from proper up bringing. But exceptions can be seen there too. Its a sad plight. That post left me really sad :(