Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

An encounter!

A friend walked away from me today. He was going towards his car. I was walking behind him towards my car. He walked away as though he did not see me. Or may be he actually did not. Once upon a time he was a close friend. I was pondering over the little incident. Did it hurt? A little. When I imagined the laughy me and him walking towards the car 3 years ago, it felt like another lifetime. But more than anything I was relieved. That peaceful coexistence is still possible between us. I was also relieved that it did not bother me as much as I thought it would. 

I was retrospecting during my drive back home. The irritating part for me is the lose of friendship. I care about very few people and most of them are still with me. I try not to lose important people in my life. But there were decisions to be taken that had repercussions. Surprisingly it was something I knew all along and something I ignored and had to pay a hefty price for.

That took me back to all the decisions in my life. My friend used to point out a particular decision and tell me it was wrong and my life would have been much more happier if I did not take that one. It was a decision at the age of 23, so it had that much maturity only. I sometimes used to think she was right. But today I was sure about one thing.  Whatever decision I had taken or not taken, I would have been the same happy me at this point in my life. The same grateful person. The same lazy person who retrospects and finds more love within. The peaceful person who is at peace with all the flaws in me. The one that knows I can touch depths of depression and come back to bubbling happiness in no time. I am in love with myself, for today. With the full knowledge that I will hate the same me tomorrow.

There is a pleasing confidence that comes with age. A maturity that soothes you irrespective of what happens around you. I guess I am going to rock the 40s. Yes, I am turning 40 this year!

I know this post doesn't make much sense. But this is for me myself, for a mental health check. I passed the health check!




Monday, May 16, 2022

Love!

Yesterday, I went for a night drive with 3 other friends. Interestingly, the topic turned to love. One of them asked to define love. I told without thinking that "it's just an energy flow between two people". And I was surprised that I stumbled upon an almost accurate answer for love. When you love someone your whole being is energised by that persons presence. Even thoughts about him/her can energise you to do things that otherwise seems uninteresting. But the funny part is we fall in love with a beautiful image of the other person that we created. The image that is flawless. And if by any chance we get married to that person, the flawless image that we created slowly disintegrates. Slowly reality creeps in. And you see the other a little less, love them a little less. Here is where a good friendship helps. Even though you see the other person stripped of all his/her glory, your relationship can stay because of the strong bond of friendship that is already formed. The friendship can take the marriage forward. If friendship is not formed and the love bubble breaks, the relationship either breaks or continues with resentments. Just my theory on marriage. But marriages can come in every different colours. What works for one may not work for another. And I do honestly think marriage should be kept away from love!

Coming back to love, what actually is love? It depends on people I think. 10 years back I would have defined love differently. But now to me love is kindness. I feel loved when people are kind to me. And I feel in love when I am kind to them. This might be a wrong definition. But it suits me. For now! Another couple of years and I will change it... 



Monday, May 02, 2022

We!

We came out of nowhere
With all our differences
And the suspicions and awkwardness 
That came with the unlikeness

We talked we laughed and we shared
Opening a new world of possibilities 
Of simple happiness and light laughters
Of gossips and stories and games...

We happened, spontaneously
And lightly like a feather
For we don't carry weights
Of egos and promises and social norms

We happened, in a flow...
We may stay, or we may split
Our paths are wide and vast
And can carry us to faraway lands

But these moments my friend
They stay happily ever after,
As thin wisps of soul fillings memories
Etched to this otherwise mundane life!

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Friends!

Having good friends is a true blessing. I am a confused person. And my emotions sway from red to green and back in alarming paces. It is not something I am proud of. There could be umpteen reasons behind my mood swings and the way I am. I have accepted my stupidities as is. But there are times when you are low and lack the energy to pull out of the pit you have fallen into. That is when friends come into picture. I have a couple of them who talks sense. And they keep me going. They make sure I don't fall. 

People like me are parasites. We thrive on the kindness of other people. It's not a good thing to do. But a parasite (an actual one), does it have a choice to be something else? I don't think I exhaust the other person. A big consolation to not to be a killer parasite. I need to keep a goal of being useful and not being a parasite. Knowing me it wouldn't last long! Let's see.

After talking to a friend I promised myself that I won't fall into the trap of self pity and the "me, me, me" thought spirals. But I am back to the "me" mode. Let me dump the thoughts here and clear my mind. There is a "Happy" me within those spirals that is really hard to find sometimes. I should find an easy way to reach out to the "Happy" me. 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Vinnai Thandi Varuvaya... Valentine Special ;)

Recently watched Vinnai Thandi Varuvaya in TV. Our cable guys were kind enough to play that movie on a holiday. But "watched" is not the right word. Managed to grab the story line, in between constant interruptions from my son. I felt all the dialogues were beautiful, but couldn't understand even a single dialogue in full, as my son was shouting on top of his voice. I wish I could watch the movie in theater some day. Visuals were awesome. And the major attraction was, for the first time, I felt like watching a part from my own life. I had a boyfriend once. It sounds trivial to call him boyfriend. All we knew was we had a relation which was one step ahead of friendship. Just as in the movie, he was 22 then and me 23. He a Tamilian n me Mallu. And I ended the relationship, for reasons I cannot articulate even now... The similarity with the movie ends there. It was not a hot intimate yet strained relation as portrayed in the movie, but just a good friendship which grew old to become something more than friendship. Many people do argue that if you can't keep the promise don't fall in love. But I feel it's always better to fall in love, than ignore it in lieu of all the practical matters around you. But I might be wrong, because I have always been an emotional person :)

The happiness we shared was absolute. May be bcoz, we both were naive and were yet to acquire the cunningness required in this stupid society. A lot of happy memories remain -
The way he looked at me at times with that brilliant sparkle in his eyes. It was not a sparkle of love, but something in between exasperation, amusement and mockery...His dimples while he smiled...How we could decode our insecurities without verbal communication (yeah crabs can do that - forgot to tell u, we shared birthday too :D)...The stupid chatter...Laughter filled evenings...The rains we shared...The train journey...
Well it goes on until the final bitterness...

I had planned to post this on Valentine's day. As usual with my punctuality, it is coming 5 days late :)
So the point is certain moments are cherished life long how much ever bitter the relation turns out later. If we meet today, we will mostly be two strangers who can just smile at each other as we did on that first day, no night, no twilight -  we met. But that doesn't diminish the beauty of what we shared.
Happy Valentine's Year (since the day is already over ;)) to all of you...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A person...

A person I Love - .....
A person I Hate - .....
A person I Adore - .....
A person I Despise - .....
A person I wish to run away with - .....
A person I wish to run away from - .....
A person I want to kill - .....
A person I want to die for - .....

Surprisingly all the blanks can be filled with the same name :D

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The (not so)Perfect Seven... Oops Eight...!!!

Our office cubilcles are not actually cubes with four people. Each cubicle here contains seven people, the number that our management thought is appropriate for a cubicle. So we are (were) seven people from SCADA team in our bay. Seven museum pieces, I should say :) Here goes the people in clock wise direction from my seat...


Andy:
He is the Santa Claus of the bay. He comes with candies for everyone, everyday, though the source of candies are actually injurious to his health, to be specific lungs ;) He is a short guy with a wonderful smile. His smile illuminates his whole face with a warm glow that people around him can't help smiling along with him. I love to watch the naughty twinkle in his eyes while he smiles:) No wonder he is a great music composer ;). He is the type of guy who has all elements required for success but refuses to believe it himself. His spontaneous one liners can knock you off ur feet, howmuch ever careful you are :)


Sush:
She is undoubtably the princess of our bay. One factor about her always surprises me.Most of the times I get hooked to peoples' smile. But in her case it is reverse. I got hooked to her frown :). You cannot help smiling when she starts complaining with her beautiful pout - "Raghu... Eenu work aagala, een madli???", - in her ajji style posture with one leg horizontal on the chair and the other one vertical. She belongs to the category "beauty with brains", with a tiny nose ring to add a special effect to her intelligent face. She is a strict vegetarian until it comes to cakes and pastries ;)


Syko:
This guy is the second best person in the world who can get into my nerves without much of an effort; the first being Nived, my sonny :) He can make such stupid comments that sometimes I badly wish to hit him. Since the guy is 6 feet 2 and hefty enough for his height, I am yet to try this wish ;) Despite all this I am a huge fan of this charming young man with a killer smile. His enthusiasm is extremely infectious and the best part is he is always enthusiastic. There is a punch in the group when he is around. Behind the jovial self, he has good amount of determination to achieve his goals. I sincerely wish that he will get into admistrative services. If he can retain his current spirits, our country will defenitely gain from it. Though he is strong headed, I believe he has got his priorities right.


Raghu:
He belongs to the species that is getting almost extinct these days - Perfect Gentleman. Defenitely he belongs to Archer's Perfect Gentleman category. Sometimes he resembles Ayn Rand's Roark. Soft spoken but inflexible. Syko has rightly coined the term "inertly aggresive" for this guy. People say he is silent, but I felt his silence more communicative than all the usual chatter that goes around. Infact he is one of the best persons to work with. The best part is when we are working on a problem, not much explanation is required. Many a times it happened that I start out explaining some issue to him,  he catch it up even before i reach half way through my incoherent explanation and start suggesting solutions. That is one thing I love about this person.


Tool Raja:
Apartment Ravi a.k.a Tool Raja, is one person solely responsible for all the outbursts of laughter that often shake our bay, either with his multi storey apartments' stories or with thumps up effect. But there is a volcano hiding behind his happy face. You can get to know that side of him only if u go out for lunch with him, that too without managers ;) His cricket bat needs special mention. Ravi and his bat forms a dangerous combination. There is one quality in him that I respect most. Many a times I have noticed that men have a really bad ego while working with women. Most of them conciously or unconciously refuse to accept that a woman can be as good or even better than them. But this guy is one person I have seen who doesn't have such an ego. When it comes to work, gender doesnn't matter much to him.


Vicky:
This gentleman is my favourite in the group. He is the only person patient enough to put up with all my nonsense chatter even though he is a no nonsense person. Standing tall at 6 feet 1, with a dark tan and a pair of pretty eyes, he defenitely belong to 'TDH' category :) He is an extreme car/bike freak, and has rubbed off some of his craze on me too. He is good at making stories, especially 200 pages horse stories ;)... If Andy is the music director, this guy is the screen play writer for the movie :) He has a very innocent smile, which surely reenforce the statement "Looks are deceptive" ;) He is a favourite in all police stations, including international ones ;)


Kavita:
Lightning packed in a petite figure. Thats what she is. Officially she doesn't belong to our cubicle. But the seven will not be perfect without her;) When you talk to her, the first thing you will notice is her energy. She is like a cracker on fire. So bright and full of life. I like her transformation from friend to manager. There wont be much visible change, but a slight change in intonation, which compels you to switch your mode from friend to co worker. She is a wonderful orator. She can turn any dull subject into interesting visuals. I really envy the pace of her conversation. Too fast, but crystal clear. The good thing is you don't have to say much to maintain a good and interesting conversation with her :) With a Janet Jackson smile (I dint give this title, someone else did ;)), she defenitely has turned somebody's head, and changed the person for good ;)


And the last one is me, the bographer :)
So that completes the eight museum pieces.
I do miss them a lot :(

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A Friend (Stranger?) and a story...

What do you call a person, whom you have seen only once in your life, who talked to you continuously for 3 hours and rescued you from the boredom of a train journey? Well that is what Ajay is to me :)

We met at a railway station. That railway station, as per my friends’ description, is owned by my father, so that his only daughter can come home safely from college. The platform was so small that it could accommodate a max of 3 or 4 bogies. Two tickets for Thiruvananthapuram express were reserved for this station. Since these tickets were the quota of the station and not available online, it was always easy for me to get a ticket. I was the first point of contact for most of my batch mates when an urgent need for ticket to capital city arises.

Usually the other ticket holder will be a govt official travelling to capital city for some official errands. There is a crucial shortage for young and charming guys in our village. So I never kept great expectations about my fellow traveler. That day when I saw Ajay (I dint know his name then) at the station I was a bit surprised. He was standing behind his father, a tall lean guy. He was the type who didn’t care much about his dressing. My father started “panchayath” with his father, and I continued watching him (of course not directly). From his shyness I concluded that he must be a first year. I had heard his father announcing earlier that he is into Barton Hill Engg College.

Finally train came and we started our journey. We found our places, kept the baggage and sat down. The moment he opened his mouth to ask my name, I knew that he had left his shyness along with his father, in the station. As usual with my prejudices, most of my prejudices about him were wrong. He was a second year like me and he was much more talkative than I thought. He told me about his project. Being the tech savvy I am, technical stuff flew above my head. But the clarity and precision in his voice told me that he is a brainy.

He was a simple guy.
"I miss my childhood friends. After I joined B tech it has been difficult to keep contact with them. It's not that we don't meet, but somehow now they are treating me in a different way. For them engineering is a big deal and I don't know how to make them comfortable"

It was nice listening to him. He was not a good orator. But the honesty in his voice was pleasant. Then he started his Picnic story
"Last year we went to Coorg from college. It would have been a wonderful trip if two people didn’t die."
"Two people died?" Disbelief was evident in my voice.
"It was our yearly tour. Actually as a class it was our first trip together. We were about 40 people. Everything was heavenly until we reached the water falls. It dint look much flooded or dangerous. So we were not much bothered. One girl in her over enthusiasm slipped and fell down. A guy caught hold of her and pulled her up. But in the process he lost balance, and fell. He tried to catch hold of one more person and they both fell to the depths of water. We couldn’t do anything other than watching them sinking into the deep water. All girls started crying hysterically. People came from near by houses. They alerted police. Some special squad came and took out the bodies."
I felt sick. "Horrible…"
But his voice was calm. There was no other emotion in his words other than the amusement of telling an interesting story.
"Didn't you feel sad?" I asked slowly
"Why should I feel sad? They were not close friends of mine. It was slightly frightening when we had to carry the dead bodies in our bus itself till town. There were no other vehicles available. You don't feel so good while travelling with two corpses. But yes, the girls were unbearably emotional. Especially the one who was helped out of water. She became hysteric and made a scene. Don't know why girls act so much. They were alright and back to normal with in a week. But we couldn't forget it for a long time"

The feminist in me kept quiet. But it was a horrible story, told in a very clumsy way. A chill crept through my spine when I tried to imagine two dead bodies along with a picnic party. He was happy that his story produced such an effect in me. We talked about other things as well – he about his college, his friends, me about mine. Other passengers were bored with our continuous chatter. They needed some sleep. So we decided it was time to put a full stop to our conversation. He climbed to his upper berth and started having dinner.

We reached Trivandrum around 5 am. We took the same bus. Before getting down near his house, he asked for my contact number. Instead of giving him my hostel number (those days mobiles were rare and I didn't have one) I took his house number (they were four or five boys staying in a house) with a promise that I will surely call him. I scribbled the number in my memory, remembered it for around four months and then it got washed away along with semester exam “mug up and forget” routine. After that I have never seen him. I have never tried to find him in orkut or facebook. But never forgot him as well :D

Thursday, April 01, 2010

A letter

Dear Nisha,
I miss the letters from you. I miss the way I replied to them. This is a vain attempt to forge the reality of those beautifully hand written letters we used to write each other. It was always nice to get ur letter :) Did u know that I never opened them straight away when I received it? I just went to bed and made a comfortable posture and started reading them. Most of the times I ended up reading them twice so that I will not miss any of your crazy ideas :)
Yesterday while talking over phone did u realize that we were talking after quite a long time. I didn't realize it then, but when I did, I was happy that time do stand still between some people :) I really miss our stupid chats dear... Now I can understand why people say that college days are the best days in our life. I am happy with the present. But somehow it is not as same as those college days. We were so stupid those days (well I remain stupid even now ;)).... There was one time in Engg college when me and Karthika spent whole four days of a long vacation, in her room. We dint go out, except of course to mess hall, we dint do any activity other than incessant chatting. But we were happy and never once felt bored :D... I guess that happens only during college days :)
I got an interesting comment from one of my friends after reading my blog. He asked me whether I am frustrated. And the next immediate question is why am I frustrated if I am having a happy married life. I was amused. Do you think marriage is the solution (or cause) to all turmoil happening within us? I should give it a thought some time. Well right now I am happy with my marriage. But there is a frustration within me. I would rather call it confusion. Lot of gray areas are materializing suddenly. All the principles within me are getting questioned. I am beginning to see both sides of the coin. I guess I am being a bit wiser or maybe a bit more stupid. Don't know :(
Did u read Ayn Rand's Fountain Head? I liked the book. It sort of soothed me. I read it some 2 years back :D But recently I had an interesting experience which brought me back to this book. We had gone for an outing to Lumbini park, a boating center (I think I have send u the snaps). It was a place for couples I guess. I could see lot of couples on all the corners of the park. Most of them couldn't keep their hands of each other. We felt pretty awkward waking through the park. But then there was one couple in the lawn. The guy was lying on his girl friends lap and they were laughing over something. They were so much engrossed in their world and they were really happy. Their happiness was so complete that it made me really happy. It was a pleasure to watch them. I suppose any action when performed with dignity is a pleasure to watch. That bought me back to the book. Are we really being robbed of our dignity? At the time when I read that book, I didn't agree with her completely. But now, I don't know.
Do you remember "Oru sankeerthanam pole"? We discussed that book a lot of times. Do you remember the way Dostoevsky kept saying that his disease (some kind of fits that used to possess him at times... in the book it was being called as "chuzhali"), is a divine connection between him and God. At that time I felt it trivial, like he was trying to find solace from his disease using such an excuse. But somehow now I can see that connection. For something to be called as a disease, first the normal state for the same should be defined. But deep inside he would have known that his definitions and limits are different from the rest. Trying to explain what you understand makes it lose its beauty :(

Hope your hubby is fine. Is he fine with your Krishna - Radha quest? :D My regards to him. Do write when ever you are free.

Soumya

PS: This letter seems too short with respect to our predefined standards :(



Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Vodka and Tuesday :)

We had a farewell party during our final year in B Tech. The party was hosted in a renowned Hotel in the city. It turned out to be a very nice event. Well, in the middle of the party my dearest friend KK who had promised to buy me a drink (read vodka!!), whenever he get a chance, told me that there is a bar in 5th floor of the building. I had never tasted any hot drinks before (not even beer), and very badly wanted to taste vodka, the elixir portrayed in all Russian classics. So without having a second thought I went enthusiastically with my stupid idiot friend KK. Naru, the Mr.NeverMind of our class, joined us. The three of us headed boldly to 5th floor. By the time we reached the entrance to bar, my heart started pounding very badly, that I doubted I am going to get a heart attack. I could sense that KK was tensed too. But Naru had no concerns what so ever.
We opened the door and took one step inside. Inside was deserted , except for all the neatly arranged chairs and tables. I don't know if that is the case in all bars, but the ambiance here was much better than the restaurant above where our party was being conducted. We were gingerly heading to one side table, when this guy stopped us. I think he was some head butler or something of the sort. He was a short dark guy in a very neatly pressed black and white uniform. He gave me a polite nod and addressed KK - "What do you want Sir?". KK was having trouble with his own tongue... "Well... we want... drinks". His reply was prompt
"Sorry sir bar is closed today. Its closed on all Tuesdays of the week"
Before he finished the sentence I was out of the place and heading towards the lift. I felt relieved. Soon KK and Naru joined me. When we were heading back to our own party suddenly realization hit me - "KK its Friday, Today is friday!!!!"...

The sad fact is till today I have not tasted Vodka. Now I can, if I want. My hubby is more than willing to make me a drunkard :), but somehow the fact that drinking is no more prohibited made me lose interest in it :D :D. But my dear vodka, some day I am going to get my hands on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 05, 2007

A Simple Read

Recently read a dear friends blog. Thats what inspired me to write this. There were not much I's in his blog unlike most of the other blogs including mine which is full of I's (of course not the dotted one, big I's in CAPSLOCK). He has quoted plainly what he has seen. No "I thinks", "I did", "I wish", "I have this habit"... to be short I's were very less and other alphabets in plenty. It was a good read. Simple and sweet. Informative as well.If you like to take a look please see
http://jackfruittalks.blogspot.com/